"Right now we are all mourning Ken's passing, and it would be very easy to talk about grief and sorrow. But, instead, I want to take a leaf out of my sister's book, if I can manage to be half as strong and collected as she has been. Yesterday Ken passed away. It was also my mother's birthday. When I called my sister, she said we should all gather at her home, to celebrate mum's birthday and also to celebrate Ken's life. Well, as part of that celebration of his life - a life lived to the fullest - I want to take this opportunity to thank Ken for a lot of things.
I want to thank him first for being brave enough to take us all on. He got to know Sheila as an individual, a seemingly unattached, singular entity, when they were in Singapore. And then, one weekend, we all gathered in Malacca, and met him. And this man, despite being faced by a large, unruly, noisy, extended Malayali family, remained steadfast. We must have been a shock to his reserved English system, but he bore up extremely well - for more than 11 years.
I want to thank him for his unfailing generosity - whether it was putting us up (and putting up with us) whenever we were in Singapore (I was a frequent visitor during my 3 years as a student); or complaining his way through my jargon-filled thesis, but still sticking with the proof-reading (and, Yes, Ken, every word I used really does exist); or cooking one of his delicious meals. And knowing how much my sister "loves" to cook, she was really lucky to find someone who not only COULD cook, but also LIKED to cook. I know that my son, Lucas, first encountered roast beef when Ken cooked it for us, and for a few years after that occasion, he would still talk with fond nostalgia about "Uncle Ken's roast beef". And, for both my sons (Lucas and Stephen), all apple crumbles were always compared, unfavourably, to Uncle Ken's apple crumble. Christmas was a time to savour his alcohol-laden, royal-icing covered masterpiece of a fruit cake. Ken enjoyed cooking - and we certainly enjoyed the fruits of his labour.
I thank him for his spirit and his zest for life. He and Sheila enjoyed their time together at least partly because Ken was willing and eager to go away and do stuff. If there was a beach, or a dive site, or a sailboat nearby, Ken would be happy, and he and Sheila had some wonderful holidays together - good memories for her to carry with her. But it was more than just going on holidays - he was a man who enjoyed good things - good food, good company, good music, a good book. He found pleasure in life, and that is something we should celebrate.
Most of all, I want to thank him for being the right man for my sister. It took them a while to find each other, but he was worth the wait. Everyone who knows Sheila knows that she is strong-willed and opinionated; younger sisters might describe her as bossy! Ken took that strong personality on board, and was strong enough himself, to let her be who she is. I have never seen her as happy as when they were together. Perhaps their time together has been too short. But I am thankful that they had that time, and that they enjoyed it to the hilt.
Thank you Ken, for being part of our family. We'll miss your quiet presence and your wry sense of humour.
Goodbye."
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