And I'm not even sure if that heading refers to Husband or me!
Husband is exhausted. His marathon walking sessions and total lack of sleep have caught up with him. The insufficiency of food intake is telling now. He is even thinner now than he was last week - really truly just skin and bones. And, to make it worse, last night he was actually puking up the juice that he drank just before dinner.. and after all the puking he just could not eat dinner. Several times yesterday and today, he was so tired that he needed my help just to get out of bed - and that included throughout the night as well. Sleep wasn't really on the cards last night - but we both did manage to get some sleep this afternoon.
Last night we also increased the pain patches to THREE, and since the 3rd patch was being applied for the first time, it took 12 hours (ie, until 9am this morning) for it to take affect. Unfortunately, at 6am, Husband was in pain again, and had to take liquid morphine... which meant that by the time the pain patch kicked in, he was completely dopey and knocked out! My heart ached just from looking at him like that. Ended up holding his hand for a couple of hours and just crying my eyes out. Luckily he was too dopey to realise that I was crying!
Food-wise, today at least, has been reasonably good. He had his usual oats porridge for breakfast at 8am, followed by a soft-boiled egg at 10.30am, followed by rice porridge at 1.30pm (though he had to eat it in 2 installments, the 2nd installment being 2pm), another round of oats porridge at 7pm, and another round of rice porridge at 9pm. Still not a HUGE quantity, but he DID manage to keep everything down with no gagging and no puking either.
Either tomorrow or Tuesday we will be seeing the hospice doctor again - to discuss what other options we have for pain control, as the pain management specialist feels that the pain is going up too fast, and the dosage of meds is going up as well to try and control it, and the side effects will, obviously, get worse (primarily the puking and the hallucinations). So she has suggested two alternatives, and wants the hospice doctor to discuss them with us asap so that we can make a decision soon. Both alternatives will have the plus point of reducing the number of pills that Husband has to take, and, also reduce the side effects! Let's see how it goes.
My parents dropped the maid off this morning, on their way to church, and with her came a huge platter of yummy chicken beriyani rice, made by my sister the night before and sent for me to try out. It was her first attempt, and I have to say it was totally scrumptious. AND she sent more than enough for both the maid and me to have for lunch. My Mum had also made a steamed South Indian dessert, sort of like the Chinese Pau, but with brown sugar and coconut as the filling. Also very yummy - one of my favourite desserts :-). As you can see, today was quite a "foodie" day for me!
I also spent some time today re-organising the kitchen - shifting things around to maximise work space and to cater for 2 dish drainers as one dish drainer is never enough!
That's it for now folks. Please do continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers that we can bring his pain under control and that, if nothing else, he can have some QUALITY of life - a factor that has been sorely missing in his life for almost a year now. Husband just considers that phrase "QUALITY OF LIFE" an absolute joke, and a joke in bad taste at that!
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
My tired babe, and visitors from SG.
Husband is very tired - hardly sleeps as he just cannot stay still for any length of time. His legs are so "restless" that he has to keep moving - even through the night. He will lie down for maybe 30 mins, and then he is up and moving again. Quite often I will check in on him and think he is fast asleep, and 10 minutes later he is wandering around the house! Of course, with all the moving around, which definitely qualifies as EXERCISE, and the fact that he is not eating enough, he is getting skinnier and skinnier. It's not that he is not eating - he tries very hard to eat, but his stomach capacity and appetite just are not there at all! Yesterday morning, for his 10.30am soft boiled egg, he was willing to try a slice of toast. He took ONE BITE of the toast, with yummy mushy eggs on it... and he just could not get himself to swallow it - he ended up spitting the toast out, so I ended up making him a fresh boiled egg to eat, WITHOUT any toast. So, it is not for want of TRYING that he is not eating much.
For lunch today I made him a fairly large portion of chicken rice porridge, and though it took 2 installments 2 hours apart, he DID manage to finish most of it :-). The good news of course is that he is no longer puking his food up. Not to say he does not get nauseous, but even though he gags, he is not actually vomiting anything. And, even better is the fact that he is not allowing this to ruin his overall mood and even though I cannot say he is CHEERFUL as such, at least he is still upbeat and not down!
The pain in his shoulders and upper back is slowly building up - and it is all I can do to keep up with it. For the last few days, over and above the pain patches and the slow release oxycontin tablets (no more slow release morphine! Even the supplier has run out, so the hospitals don't have any), he has had to take an extra 40ml (ie, 80mg) of liquid morphine. The hospice doctor has recommended that if he goes up to 60ml (120mg) in one day, then I should increase the pain patches to THREE. Have to see how he goes this weekend!
We had visitors from SG today :-). Grace and Mo, 2 very dear friends of ours, flew up this morning, arriving at our house by 11.15am. I had stocked up on loads of food at the pasar malam last night, and had invited my sister over for lunch as well. When Grace and Mo arrived, after seeing Husband, and sitting and chatting for a while, took them to Mont'Kiara Plaza to get roti canai, etc, and have coffee/tea. My sister met us there, then we all headed back to Hijauan to have our lunch. LOT of talking, and catching up to do. It was great to have them over, and we hope they come again soon - still got lots to catch up on! My parents came over, after lunch, to see them as well. The airport taxi came to pick them up at 4.30pm to take them back to the airport for their return flight. Hopefully their next visit will be longer as they are such great company!
The sad sad news this week is that a friends husband just died yesterday. My heart broke on hearing that news - she (Sally) is just the same age as me, and her husband just a few years older, and they have kids. It is just so heart breaking to lose someone dear to you, and I can so empathise with her. I called her this morning and even though we did not talk for long, we both ended up in tears and she is such a generous hearted person that in the midst of her sorrow she can tell me that she always prays for Husband and me. I cried even more at that :-(. I hope that I can be as strong and as generous hearted as her one day!
That's all the news for now. Please do continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers. I know that it may be too much to hope for a miracle to take away the cancer, but we can still pray that he gains in strength so that he can have improved quality of life, and less pain, and can try and enjoy whatever time he still has with me.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
For lunch today I made him a fairly large portion of chicken rice porridge, and though it took 2 installments 2 hours apart, he DID manage to finish most of it :-). The good news of course is that he is no longer puking his food up. Not to say he does not get nauseous, but even though he gags, he is not actually vomiting anything. And, even better is the fact that he is not allowing this to ruin his overall mood and even though I cannot say he is CHEERFUL as such, at least he is still upbeat and not down!
The pain in his shoulders and upper back is slowly building up - and it is all I can do to keep up with it. For the last few days, over and above the pain patches and the slow release oxycontin tablets (no more slow release morphine! Even the supplier has run out, so the hospitals don't have any), he has had to take an extra 40ml (ie, 80mg) of liquid morphine. The hospice doctor has recommended that if he goes up to 60ml (120mg) in one day, then I should increase the pain patches to THREE. Have to see how he goes this weekend!
We had visitors from SG today :-). Grace and Mo, 2 very dear friends of ours, flew up this morning, arriving at our house by 11.15am. I had stocked up on loads of food at the pasar malam last night, and had invited my sister over for lunch as well. When Grace and Mo arrived, after seeing Husband, and sitting and chatting for a while, took them to Mont'Kiara Plaza to get roti canai, etc, and have coffee/tea. My sister met us there, then we all headed back to Hijauan to have our lunch. LOT of talking, and catching up to do. It was great to have them over, and we hope they come again soon - still got lots to catch up on! My parents came over, after lunch, to see them as well. The airport taxi came to pick them up at 4.30pm to take them back to the airport for their return flight. Hopefully their next visit will be longer as they are such great company!
The sad sad news this week is that a friends husband just died yesterday. My heart broke on hearing that news - she (Sally) is just the same age as me, and her husband just a few years older, and they have kids. It is just so heart breaking to lose someone dear to you, and I can so empathise with her. I called her this morning and even though we did not talk for long, we both ended up in tears and she is such a generous hearted person that in the midst of her sorrow she can tell me that she always prays for Husband and me. I cried even more at that :-(. I hope that I can be as strong and as generous hearted as her one day!
That's all the news for now. Please do continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers. I know that it may be too much to hope for a miracle to take away the cancer, but we can still pray that he gains in strength so that he can have improved quality of life, and less pain, and can try and enjoy whatever time he still has with me.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
How do you judge how much pain you are in?
The doctors keep asking Husband, on a scale of 1 to 10 (where 10 is the WORST), where does your pain fit? Actually, how do you answer that question? It is so difficult to really figure out what "level" your pain is. I mean, how bad is BAD? What is bad right now, could actually end up being relatively tolerable compared to the pain you may be suffering one month from now. Very confusing lah.
The long and the short of that rant above is that Husband is experiencing more pain - not so much in the spine or in the nerves, but an upper body ACHE! Ribs, shoulders, shoulder blades, just below the shoulder blades along the sides at the back, etc. Obviously not nerve pain, or else the Neurontin would handle that, and it takes a fairly large dose of liquid morphine to even "touch" that pain and dial it back a bit. Gave Husband 20ml of liquid morphine at 6am, and another 15ml at 9.15am before the pain started to recede. This is in addition to his daily pain killers and pain patches! So, being a bit worried, I got the hospice doctor in again. After a lot of questions, poking around, checking current medication levels, etc, the recommendation was to increase his oxycontin dosage by 20mg each - ie, instead of 60mg twice a day, it will now be 80mg twice a day. So, let's see how that goes.
We had the piano guy in today, as Husband's lovely electronic baby grand (the Yamaha GranTouch) has got a few non-working keys. Turns out the internal sensor is gone and has to be completely replaced. Kinda like replacing a mother board in a computer. Going to cost a bit, but still a lot cheaper than buying a new piano!! Mind you, it is going to take them three weeks to get the part in from Japan, so till then Husband will have to put up with his "semi-silent" piano :-D.
I have also re-started my fitness sessions, and, as always, my trainer comes up with a whole load of new exercises that cause a whole lot of aches and pains and reminders of muscles that I never knew I had! One thing for sure is that you cannot get bored with his fitness routines because each time you go it is something new.
I had my dear friend, Mercy J, coming to visit yesterday, which was great, as we had time to sit and talk and catch up... and, of course, eat too much! She is the one who, last Sat evening, brought her hairdresser over so that Husband could have his hair cut without having to leave home! Such a God-send she is!!!!!
That's it for now folks. Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers - that he should gain strength, get an appetite(!), gain energy, and have some QUALITY of life. Right now... he has very LITTLE "quality" in his life, as he is just too weak and frail :-(, so, please keep him in your prayers.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
The long and the short of that rant above is that Husband is experiencing more pain - not so much in the spine or in the nerves, but an upper body ACHE! Ribs, shoulders, shoulder blades, just below the shoulder blades along the sides at the back, etc. Obviously not nerve pain, or else the Neurontin would handle that, and it takes a fairly large dose of liquid morphine to even "touch" that pain and dial it back a bit. Gave Husband 20ml of liquid morphine at 6am, and another 15ml at 9.15am before the pain started to recede. This is in addition to his daily pain killers and pain patches! So, being a bit worried, I got the hospice doctor in again. After a lot of questions, poking around, checking current medication levels, etc, the recommendation was to increase his oxycontin dosage by 20mg each - ie, instead of 60mg twice a day, it will now be 80mg twice a day. So, let's see how that goes.
We had the piano guy in today, as Husband's lovely electronic baby grand (the Yamaha GranTouch) has got a few non-working keys. Turns out the internal sensor is gone and has to be completely replaced. Kinda like replacing a mother board in a computer. Going to cost a bit, but still a lot cheaper than buying a new piano!! Mind you, it is going to take them three weeks to get the part in from Japan, so till then Husband will have to put up with his "semi-silent" piano :-D.
I have also re-started my fitness sessions, and, as always, my trainer comes up with a whole load of new exercises that cause a whole lot of aches and pains and reminders of muscles that I never knew I had! One thing for sure is that you cannot get bored with his fitness routines because each time you go it is something new.
I had my dear friend, Mercy J, coming to visit yesterday, which was great, as we had time to sit and talk and catch up... and, of course, eat too much! She is the one who, last Sat evening, brought her hairdresser over so that Husband could have his hair cut without having to leave home! Such a God-send she is!!!!!
That's it for now folks. Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers - that he should gain strength, get an appetite(!), gain energy, and have some QUALITY of life. Right now... he has very LITTLE "quality" in his life, as he is just too weak and frail :-(, so, please keep him in your prayers.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Life goes back to normal today
This week has been somewhat out of the ordinary for us, as we have had Husbands son (Jason) here with us since Monday evening. His flight was supposed to land in KLIA at 2pm, but was so delayed leaving Abu Dhabi, that it only landed at 7.15pm! If I had relied purely on KLIA's Flight Info display, I would not have known of the delay - but luckily Jason had sms'ed us from Abu Dhabi, and then when I went onto Etihad's web site, they have an excellent status update web page which clearly showed the delay and the re-scheduled timing.
Anyway, suffice to say he landed safe and sound, and the drive (for me) to get to and from the airport to get him, was totally uneventful.
Today was his last day with us, so had the entire family over (minus niece #2 and nephew #1 as they are in NZ with their cousins), for tea. As always, TOO MUCH FOOD :-). Curry puffs, doughnuts, sugar-free choc cake(!), home made scones with whipped cream and strawberry jam, fried noodles, muffins, and, of course, tea. :-D
And how about Husband? He was really glad to see Jason, and they both had time to catch up and talk, and just relax with each other. Husband is slowly slowly, but steadily steadily, gaining strength - a little bit each day. He is eating more and now we have to figure out how we can expand his diet beyond just oats porridge, rice porridge and boiled egg :-p. Last night he was able to eat chicken noodle soup WITHOUT throwing up, so that is one item that we can add to the diet... but have to find more. He is getting bored with the monotony of porridge every day.
His shoulders and upper back are still giving him some problems, but it SEEMS to be getting a bit less. I think it is due to the resistance band exercises for his arms and upper back, but let's see how it goes this week. He has had a break from exercises this weekend, and should re-start the exercises tomorrow.
I have to get back to my exercise sessions too (re-starting this Tuesday, and to be done every Tuesday and Friday, from 11am - 12noon, for 10 sessions)... and I have to start swimming again at least once a week. Some of the ladies in the condo complex have also arranged for Pilates sessions, commencing (tentatively) 1st March.
Tomorrow is laundry day - loads of sheets and towels to wash :-) - but, other than that, it should be quiet and peaceful.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers as I DO believe that they have played a part in the slow improvement in Husband's overall outlook (no, not the cancer aspect of it!).
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Anyway, suffice to say he landed safe and sound, and the drive (for me) to get to and from the airport to get him, was totally uneventful.
Today was his last day with us, so had the entire family over (minus niece #2 and nephew #1 as they are in NZ with their cousins), for tea. As always, TOO MUCH FOOD :-). Curry puffs, doughnuts, sugar-free choc cake(!), home made scones with whipped cream and strawberry jam, fried noodles, muffins, and, of course, tea. :-D
And how about Husband? He was really glad to see Jason, and they both had time to catch up and talk, and just relax with each other. Husband is slowly slowly, but steadily steadily, gaining strength - a little bit each day. He is eating more and now we have to figure out how we can expand his diet beyond just oats porridge, rice porridge and boiled egg :-p. Last night he was able to eat chicken noodle soup WITHOUT throwing up, so that is one item that we can add to the diet... but have to find more. He is getting bored with the monotony of porridge every day.
His shoulders and upper back are still giving him some problems, but it SEEMS to be getting a bit less. I think it is due to the resistance band exercises for his arms and upper back, but let's see how it goes this week. He has had a break from exercises this weekend, and should re-start the exercises tomorrow.
I have to get back to my exercise sessions too (re-starting this Tuesday, and to be done every Tuesday and Friday, from 11am - 12noon, for 10 sessions)... and I have to start swimming again at least once a week. Some of the ladies in the condo complex have also arranged for Pilates sessions, commencing (tentatively) 1st March.
Tomorrow is laundry day - loads of sheets and towels to wash :-) - but, other than that, it should be quiet and peaceful.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers as I DO believe that they have played a part in the slow improvement in Husband's overall outlook (no, not the cancer aspect of it!).
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
My skinny, scrawny Husband!
The walking is never-ending, but the food intake is not really increasing sufficiently - end result being an extremely skinny Husband, with absolutely no FLESH under the skin... though all the walking is making his legs a little stronger and steadier. In addition he is also doing the resistance band exercises recommended by the physio so the overall USAGE of calories is far more than the actual INTAKE of calories... sigh... sigh... and triple sigh.
The happy news is that Husband's son, Jason, decided to come see his Dad, and was able to get a week off work. Flew in on Monday evening, flying out on Sunday evening. His employers were kind enough to give him the time off work as they understood the situation with Husband's illness once Jason explained it all to them. It is really good to see the two of them catching up with each other and being able to just spend time together. In terms of food, I am getting Jason to try something totally different practically every day - and I have to say he is extremely adventurous when it comes to the wonderful local food here. I think he has enjoyed everything so far - roti prata and roti telur with spicy chicken curry, masala thosai with coconut chutney and lentil curry, roti jala (net pancake) with spicy curry, chinese food, Indian food, Malay food - and a few more days left to keep experimenting.
Husband, though he loves the smells of the food, is not able to actually eat anything we are eating, but he is doing his best to eat his usual foods - oats, rice porridge, boiled egg.
I am having a family hi-tea this coming Sunday, so (almost) my whole family can meet Jason. My brother's 2 younger children (Anila and Rohan) are in NZ with their cousins, so they won't be here... but the rest of the family will be coming over. Jason said he will make scones for tea, and, to be sure that it would turn out well, he baked a batch today - and BOY they are totally YUMMY :-).
No other news for now. The pain is still under control, though new pain (unfortunately) seems to be breaking through in his lower back. I am hoping that is just from the exercises he is doing, NOT actual "pain", but that remains to be seen.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that the pain is kept in control and does not get worse, and that he continues to gain in strength!
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
The happy news is that Husband's son, Jason, decided to come see his Dad, and was able to get a week off work. Flew in on Monday evening, flying out on Sunday evening. His employers were kind enough to give him the time off work as they understood the situation with Husband's illness once Jason explained it all to them. It is really good to see the two of them catching up with each other and being able to just spend time together. In terms of food, I am getting Jason to try something totally different practically every day - and I have to say he is extremely adventurous when it comes to the wonderful local food here. I think he has enjoyed everything so far - roti prata and roti telur with spicy chicken curry, masala thosai with coconut chutney and lentil curry, roti jala (net pancake) with spicy curry, chinese food, Indian food, Malay food - and a few more days left to keep experimenting.
Husband, though he loves the smells of the food, is not able to actually eat anything we are eating, but he is doing his best to eat his usual foods - oats, rice porridge, boiled egg.
I am having a family hi-tea this coming Sunday, so (almost) my whole family can meet Jason. My brother's 2 younger children (Anila and Rohan) are in NZ with their cousins, so they won't be here... but the rest of the family will be coming over. Jason said he will make scones for tea, and, to be sure that it would turn out well, he baked a batch today - and BOY they are totally YUMMY :-).
No other news for now. The pain is still under control, though new pain (unfortunately) seems to be breaking through in his lower back. I am hoping that is just from the exercises he is doing, NOT actual "pain", but that remains to be seen.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that the pain is kept in control and does not get worse, and that he continues to gain in strength!
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
A little tired today...
... but that is probably because he is not sleeping at night, as he is just tooooo restless, and keeps getting up and walking around at all hours of the night, and then continues that throughout the day. He IS getting just a little bit stronger every day, very slowly, very steadily. I am also trying to increase the amount of oats porridge I make for him at every meal - not by huge increments, but by steady half-tablespoon increases, every couple of days. He is definitely able to eat more now than he could two weeks ago, but still not enough to make up for the calories consumed by his steady walking.
Today I finished the last fitness session of the first round of 12 sessions that I took up last year, but didn't get round to actually DOING till the beginning of Jan this year! Next week, every Tuesday and Friday for 5 weeks, I will be doing the NEXT round of 10 fitness sessions, and also getting back into swimming at least once a week. Have to stay fit enough to continue looking after my beloved Husband!
The hospice doctor and the physio are both pleased with Husband's progress - the pain in the lower back is almost 100% under control with the use of the pain patches and morphine tablets and the pain in the left arm is getting more under control with the increased dosage of the Gabapentin (Neurontin). The pain in the shoulder blades and the muscles just under the shoulder blades is what Husband finds most frustrating now. Panadol Extra helps to a certain extent, but he still finds that if he SITS for more than 5 minutes, the pain there just builds up like a dull and nagging toothache from which he can get no respite. It is OK when he is walking, but the walking, of course, exhausts him! So then he has to go lie down, as that eases the pain. This SHOULD improve as he does his resistance band exercises, because they are targetting the upper back, shoulder, and arm muscles. Am hoping that he has sufficient energy to do one round of those exercises later this afternoon. Fingers crossed!
Life, otherwise, is chugging along quietly for us. Am hoping that Husband will keep on building up his strength so that I can start taking him out walking again - though I think that it is going to take at least a couple of months to build up his strength to that extent.
So, as always, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he can keep building up his strength and stamina and get back to his outings with me :-).
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Today I finished the last fitness session of the first round of 12 sessions that I took up last year, but didn't get round to actually DOING till the beginning of Jan this year! Next week, every Tuesday and Friday for 5 weeks, I will be doing the NEXT round of 10 fitness sessions, and also getting back into swimming at least once a week. Have to stay fit enough to continue looking after my beloved Husband!
The hospice doctor and the physio are both pleased with Husband's progress - the pain in the lower back is almost 100% under control with the use of the pain patches and morphine tablets and the pain in the left arm is getting more under control with the increased dosage of the Gabapentin (Neurontin). The pain in the shoulder blades and the muscles just under the shoulder blades is what Husband finds most frustrating now. Panadol Extra helps to a certain extent, but he still finds that if he SITS for more than 5 minutes, the pain there just builds up like a dull and nagging toothache from which he can get no respite. It is OK when he is walking, but the walking, of course, exhausts him! So then he has to go lie down, as that eases the pain. This SHOULD improve as he does his resistance band exercises, because they are targetting the upper back, shoulder, and arm muscles. Am hoping that he has sufficient energy to do one round of those exercises later this afternoon. Fingers crossed!
Life, otherwise, is chugging along quietly for us. Am hoping that Husband will keep on building up his strength so that I can start taking him out walking again - though I think that it is going to take at least a couple of months to build up his strength to that extent.
So, as always, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he can keep building up his strength and stamina and get back to his outings with me :-).
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Half-way thru Jan 2010 already?
Why does time go so fast? It kinda zips along at top speed just when you want it to chug along slowly! Have you noticed that the older you get, the faster time goes by?
Yesterday (Friday) was a really nice day. Usual schedule in the morning for Husband and making sure he eats, has his meds, etc... then off to my physical fitness training, then rushed to Mont'Kiara Plaza to get there by 12noon to meet up with a good friend, Jodi, to buy some food for lunch, and then head back to Hijauan, as Jodi and my sister, Sue, were coming for lunch :-). Husband's lunch was limited, as usual, to oats porridge (he didn't feel like having rice porridge yesterday), but he was able to keep us company off and on as well. Let's just say that it was a great lunch, and it was very very enjoyable having both Sue and Jodi over. Hopefully we can do this again, assuming both of them have the time.
The rest of the day was quite quiet, though Husband found time to do the leg exercises 'prescribed' by the physio, and that really exhausted him. Despite the exhaustion, he was pretty mobile most of the day anyway :-).
This morning he did another set of the exercises shown us by the physio - this time using a resistance band, to do arm exercises which also exercise the back. We figure if he does the leg exercises on one day and the resistance band exercises the next day, as he builds up his strength he may get to the point where he can do both in one day! Fingers crossed :-).
This evening Jodi and her husband Jon are coming over - as they have been wanting to visit Husband for ever so long, and though Jodi was able to come for lunch yesterday, Jon still hasn't seen Husband yet. No, I won't be cooking :-). Will just order in North Indian food from the restaurant (Khaana Peena) at Mont'Kiara Plaza, as they do home deliveries, and their food is pretty good too.
My Mum gets back from India today - flight should be landing at 3pm or so, and my sister will be picking her up. Should see her tomorrow, as she and my Dad will stop here on the way to church tomorrow, to drop the maid off.
Also tomorrow, my friend from Singapore, Eleen, will be coming by in the afternoon, and staying through till dinner. Her work permit in Malaysia has finally been approved and so she will be starting her new role soon. She will be in KL for 2 weeks, to get the work permit stamped into her passport, and to get settled into her new role.
Nothing else of any excitement really, which is good, for a change :-) as that means that Husband is still holding his own and nothing negative has happened.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he should continue to build up his strength and, hopefully his appetite, and that he can continue to fight the cancer in him.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Yesterday (Friday) was a really nice day. Usual schedule in the morning for Husband and making sure he eats, has his meds, etc... then off to my physical fitness training, then rushed to Mont'Kiara Plaza to get there by 12noon to meet up with a good friend, Jodi, to buy some food for lunch, and then head back to Hijauan, as Jodi and my sister, Sue, were coming for lunch :-). Husband's lunch was limited, as usual, to oats porridge (he didn't feel like having rice porridge yesterday), but he was able to keep us company off and on as well. Let's just say that it was a great lunch, and it was very very enjoyable having both Sue and Jodi over. Hopefully we can do this again, assuming both of them have the time.
The rest of the day was quite quiet, though Husband found time to do the leg exercises 'prescribed' by the physio, and that really exhausted him. Despite the exhaustion, he was pretty mobile most of the day anyway :-).
This morning he did another set of the exercises shown us by the physio - this time using a resistance band, to do arm exercises which also exercise the back. We figure if he does the leg exercises on one day and the resistance band exercises the next day, as he builds up his strength he may get to the point where he can do both in one day! Fingers crossed :-).
This evening Jodi and her husband Jon are coming over - as they have been wanting to visit Husband for ever so long, and though Jodi was able to come for lunch yesterday, Jon still hasn't seen Husband yet. No, I won't be cooking :-). Will just order in North Indian food from the restaurant (Khaana Peena) at Mont'Kiara Plaza, as they do home deliveries, and their food is pretty good too.
My Mum gets back from India today - flight should be landing at 3pm or so, and my sister will be picking her up. Should see her tomorrow, as she and my Dad will stop here on the way to church tomorrow, to drop the maid off.
Also tomorrow, my friend from Singapore, Eleen, will be coming by in the afternoon, and staying through till dinner. Her work permit in Malaysia has finally been approved and so she will be starting her new role soon. She will be in KL for 2 weeks, to get the work permit stamped into her passport, and to get settled into her new role.
Nothing else of any excitement really, which is good, for a change :-) as that means that Husband is still holding his own and nothing negative has happened.
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he should continue to build up his strength and, hopefully his appetite, and that he can continue to fight the cancer in him.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
5 days in a row!
This is unprecedented :-). Good news for 5 days in a row.
Yep, Husband is still up and about, he is still walking and walking all round the house, back and forth; he doesn't spend a lot of time in bed at all, until night time - just brief 5 minute rests whenever his upper back and shoulders start to ache. He has also started slowly exercising his arms - I have wrap-around arm weights which weigh just 1kg each, and he uses those to do bicep curls. He DID attempt to pick up the dumb-bells to do that - and promptly dropped them as they were 5kg each!!!!
He has started taking photos again, as of today! He is back on his computer from time to time, surfing the net, reading email. And, after some gentle nudging and reminding from me that he has family in the UK waiting to hear from him, we spent almost one hour last night talking to his eldest daughter, Debbie. Well, Debbie and I were online on Skype for the one hour, while Husband had to keep going to lie down to rest his shoulders and then he would be back again to continue the conversation. I call him my beloved Jack-In-The-Box, as he keeps popping up and down just like one! We have also arranged with Husband's grandson to set up his laptop this Saturday so that his mum (Husband's youngest daughter) can also spend some time talking to Husband. And, not forgetting Jason, Husband's son, he has been calling almost as regular as clockwork, every week too, while Husband's sister, Avis and her husband John, keep in constant contact via email and skype calls. Hmmm, what would we do without all this technology?
This is not to say that the pain is completely under control. The pain in his upper back and shoulders is constantly there now - he describes it as a constant dull toothache type of pain. It does not seem to be helped at all by the morphine or the fentanyl patches, but, believe it or not, Panadol Extra helps a great deal! *The "Extra" is 65mg of caffeine over and above the 500mg of paracetamol. A couple of Panadol Extra tablets every 5 hours while awake.. and that helps to manage that.
He sleeps reasonably well - takes him at least 1 hour just to fall asleep, but once he does fall asleep he stays asleep for at least 5 - 6 hours at a stretch.
His left arm pain is still there, but much more manageable than before, and now more reduced to pins and needles and a dull ache as opposed to a PAIN.
The nausea, unfortunately, is still very much a part of daily life for Husband - sometimes he actually does puke, sometimes it is just the intense sensation of nausea without any puking. The good news is that he does not allow that to spoil his generally upbeat mood nowadays :-).
The physio is coming again this afternoon - to check on Husbands condition and maybe identify some new exercises for Husband to do.
My Mum is coming back from India on Saturday afternoon, being picked up by my sister. I always end up feeling so guilty that it is my sister who does all the picking up / dropping off and sometimes chauffeuring of my parents, and at the same time I am so very very grateful for having such an amazing and supportive family - with the added advantage of having 3 doctors (my bro, his wife, and my sister's husband) who are always able to advise us and help us with all our medical questions. I honestly don't know how we would have managed without their constant help!
OK folks, that's it for now. Please continue to keep Husband in your prayers, that we can continue to manage the pain situation, and that Husband can at least enjoy some quality of life as we move forward.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Yep, Husband is still up and about, he is still walking and walking all round the house, back and forth; he doesn't spend a lot of time in bed at all, until night time - just brief 5 minute rests whenever his upper back and shoulders start to ache. He has also started slowly exercising his arms - I have wrap-around arm weights which weigh just 1kg each, and he uses those to do bicep curls. He DID attempt to pick up the dumb-bells to do that - and promptly dropped them as they were 5kg each!!!!
He has started taking photos again, as of today! He is back on his computer from time to time, surfing the net, reading email. And, after some gentle nudging and reminding from me that he has family in the UK waiting to hear from him, we spent almost one hour last night talking to his eldest daughter, Debbie. Well, Debbie and I were online on Skype for the one hour, while Husband had to keep going to lie down to rest his shoulders and then he would be back again to continue the conversation. I call him my beloved Jack-In-The-Box, as he keeps popping up and down just like one! We have also arranged with Husband's grandson to set up his laptop this Saturday so that his mum (Husband's youngest daughter) can also spend some time talking to Husband. And, not forgetting Jason, Husband's son, he has been calling almost as regular as clockwork, every week too, while Husband's sister, Avis and her husband John, keep in constant contact via email and skype calls. Hmmm, what would we do without all this technology?
This is not to say that the pain is completely under control. The pain in his upper back and shoulders is constantly there now - he describes it as a constant dull toothache type of pain. It does not seem to be helped at all by the morphine or the fentanyl patches, but, believe it or not, Panadol Extra helps a great deal! *The "Extra" is 65mg of caffeine over and above the 500mg of paracetamol. A couple of Panadol Extra tablets every 5 hours while awake.. and that helps to manage that.
He sleeps reasonably well - takes him at least 1 hour just to fall asleep, but once he does fall asleep he stays asleep for at least 5 - 6 hours at a stretch.
His left arm pain is still there, but much more manageable than before, and now more reduced to pins and needles and a dull ache as opposed to a PAIN.
The nausea, unfortunately, is still very much a part of daily life for Husband - sometimes he actually does puke, sometimes it is just the intense sensation of nausea without any puking. The good news is that he does not allow that to spoil his generally upbeat mood nowadays :-).
The physio is coming again this afternoon - to check on Husbands condition and maybe identify some new exercises for Husband to do.
My Mum is coming back from India on Saturday afternoon, being picked up by my sister. I always end up feeling so guilty that it is my sister who does all the picking up / dropping off and sometimes chauffeuring of my parents, and at the same time I am so very very grateful for having such an amazing and supportive family - with the added advantage of having 3 doctors (my bro, his wife, and my sister's husband) who are always able to advise us and help us with all our medical questions. I honestly don't know how we would have managed without their constant help!
OK folks, that's it for now. Please continue to keep Husband in your prayers, that we can continue to manage the pain situation, and that Husband can at least enjoy some quality of life as we move forward.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Another reasonably good day!!
Yep, again! Husband has been up and about most of today and the pain has been more or less under control. I went for my fitness session, and came back wiped out but feeling good. Did a whole bunch of ironing and a new load of wash. BEAUTIFUL and COOL today - with heavy rain and strong winds... and, generally, just a GOOD day.
Husband has hardly been lying down today - he has walked a lot, including taking a walk downstairs, through the car park and round the pool, with only one short break in between, and walking back and forth through our house. As a friend said, at the rate he is walking, the floor boards are going to be worn out pretty soon - which is OK with me as it is lovely to see Husband so mobile. He is still as skinny as two sticks, but at least he is getting stronger from all the exercise he is getting from the walking!
Also had a long talk with the hospice doctor, and then made arrangements with our pain management specialist to go get more meds next week Friday - as we will be all out of practically everything by then. She tells me that the 30mg slow release morphine tablets are all out of stock (even the supplier has none), so she has to look into what are the possible alternatives.
The only fly in the ointment seems to be Husband's appetite for his evening meal - it is diminishing by the day. Yesterday he had some chicken noodle soup, which he has had before and which he has enjoyed, but this time round he couldn't keep it in - it just all came straight back out! Today he had oats porridge but he had to take it really slow, and he ALMOST puked that up too! He says that after 6pm or so, his stomach seems to be very nauseous when he eats anything, so starting tomorrow we are shifting his evening meds two hours earlier - pre-meal meds at 6pm, and post-meal meds by 7pm, with dinner to be eaten sometime in between.
Tomorrow is a NON exercise day for me :-), but I will be taking time off to go do a pedicure, as my left big toe-nail has split down the middle and is causing some problems.., apart from the fact that it looks truly awful! Following the pedicure is grocery shopping, then back home. The whole outing should take about 2.5 hours - which is the maximum length of time I will leave Husband on his own. Not that he cannot take care of himself for that duration, just that if he is on his own for too long he gets very depressed, and after the upbeat 3 days we have had, I would hate for him to get depressed again!
Please continue to pray for Husband, that he continues to be mobile, that he gains in strength, that the pain remains under control, and that his appetite won't disappear!
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Husband has hardly been lying down today - he has walked a lot, including taking a walk downstairs, through the car park and round the pool, with only one short break in between, and walking back and forth through our house. As a friend said, at the rate he is walking, the floor boards are going to be worn out pretty soon - which is OK with me as it is lovely to see Husband so mobile. He is still as skinny as two sticks, but at least he is getting stronger from all the exercise he is getting from the walking!
Also had a long talk with the hospice doctor, and then made arrangements with our pain management specialist to go get more meds next week Friday - as we will be all out of practically everything by then. She tells me that the 30mg slow release morphine tablets are all out of stock (even the supplier has none), so she has to look into what are the possible alternatives.
The only fly in the ointment seems to be Husband's appetite for his evening meal - it is diminishing by the day. Yesterday he had some chicken noodle soup, which he has had before and which he has enjoyed, but this time round he couldn't keep it in - it just all came straight back out! Today he had oats porridge but he had to take it really slow, and he ALMOST puked that up too! He says that after 6pm or so, his stomach seems to be very nauseous when he eats anything, so starting tomorrow we are shifting his evening meds two hours earlier - pre-meal meds at 6pm, and post-meal meds by 7pm, with dinner to be eaten sometime in between.
Tomorrow is a NON exercise day for me :-), but I will be taking time off to go do a pedicure, as my left big toe-nail has split down the middle and is causing some problems.., apart from the fact that it looks truly awful! Following the pedicure is grocery shopping, then back home. The whole outing should take about 2.5 hours - which is the maximum length of time I will leave Husband on his own. Not that he cannot take care of himself for that duration, just that if he is on his own for too long he gets very depressed, and after the upbeat 3 days we have had, I would hate for him to get depressed again!
Please continue to pray for Husband, that he continues to be mobile, that he gains in strength, that the pain remains under control, and that his appetite won't disappear!
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Good two days!
For those of you who read this blog regularly and generally find sad news, it must make a change to find a posting which is cheerful :-).
It HAS been a good two days. Saturday was, actually, a pretty strange day. I had invited two of my friends over for dinner, and my Dad as well (since my Mum is in India for her older brothers' funeral), so had spent most of the morning, after getting Husband fed and settled, cooking for dinner. And while I was doing that, Husband was doing his 'walkabout'! He would lie down for maybe 10 - 15 minutes, then he would be up and moving - walking round and round the house, coming to check on me to see what I was doing, into the living room, back to the kitchen, then to the two guest rooms, then back into our room to lie down for a few minutes, then repeat cycle all over again.
My friends, E & S, came at 4.30pm, as E was helping me to re-install my Fujitsu laptop from scratch. This is a task normally done by Husband, but given the circumstances, he couldn't sit still or concentrate for long enough to do it this time, so I asked E for help. Anyway, when they arrived Husband got up to come and greet them - which was amazing to me, as it is the FIRST TIME in a VERY LONG TIME that he has had the energy to get up and greet visitors. By the time my Dad turned up (around 6.30pm) Husband was lying down again, but he got up as soon as my Dad went in to say Hello to him. Fujitsu was reinstalled with no problems, dinner was great fun, and I think my Dad was most impressed with both E and S, and quite amazed that I have such good friends who are so young compared to me (since I am almost at the half-century mark :-D ).
Anyway, to cut a long story short, Husband spent most of Saturday walking, and very little of it lying down. With the end result that he slept pretty well on Saturday night, and woke up on Sunday feeling pretty good, apart from the left arm which still causes discomfort.
My Dad, while on his way to church, dropped the maid off at our place to help with cleaning the house, and also came back after church to join me for lunch, and to take the maid off back home. Husband was very sleepy and tired (probably from all the unaccustomed exercise on Saturday) and slept most of the day, especially from around 2.30pm to 5.45pm - I couldn't even wake him at 3pm to take his slow release tablets, though I had to wake him at 5.45pm so that I could change the pain patches - if I had not, he would really have suffered later.
And, for the rest of the evening, he was up and about - back to his walkabouts again - including watching bits and pieces of TV, slowly catching up with his email, even managing to say a brief hello to an old friend who called on our skype for the very first time! Even his voice, which has been pretty soft and whispery for the last few months, sounds a lot stronger and more confident. He is not gaining any weight really (stuck at around 65kg), but he is not losing any either. The pain in his back, as long as the medications are not delayed, is very manageable now, and he feels pretty OK. For the pain in his arm, I have increased the Neurontin - 300mg in the morning, and 600mg at night - though it will still take a few days for that to build up enough in the system to take affect.
So, that's it for now. A fairly upbeat posting for a change, and I only ask that everyone keep praying that it will continue to be upbeat, that the pain will continue to be under control, and that Husband can get stronger and more able to be independent.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
It HAS been a good two days. Saturday was, actually, a pretty strange day. I had invited two of my friends over for dinner, and my Dad as well (since my Mum is in India for her older brothers' funeral), so had spent most of the morning, after getting Husband fed and settled, cooking for dinner. And while I was doing that, Husband was doing his 'walkabout'! He would lie down for maybe 10 - 15 minutes, then he would be up and moving - walking round and round the house, coming to check on me to see what I was doing, into the living room, back to the kitchen, then to the two guest rooms, then back into our room to lie down for a few minutes, then repeat cycle all over again.
My friends, E & S, came at 4.30pm, as E was helping me to re-install my Fujitsu laptop from scratch. This is a task normally done by Husband, but given the circumstances, he couldn't sit still or concentrate for long enough to do it this time, so I asked E for help. Anyway, when they arrived Husband got up to come and greet them - which was amazing to me, as it is the FIRST TIME in a VERY LONG TIME that he has had the energy to get up and greet visitors. By the time my Dad turned up (around 6.30pm) Husband was lying down again, but he got up as soon as my Dad went in to say Hello to him. Fujitsu was reinstalled with no problems, dinner was great fun, and I think my Dad was most impressed with both E and S, and quite amazed that I have such good friends who are so young compared to me (since I am almost at the half-century mark :-D ).
Anyway, to cut a long story short, Husband spent most of Saturday walking, and very little of it lying down. With the end result that he slept pretty well on Saturday night, and woke up on Sunday feeling pretty good, apart from the left arm which still causes discomfort.
My Dad, while on his way to church, dropped the maid off at our place to help with cleaning the house, and also came back after church to join me for lunch, and to take the maid off back home. Husband was very sleepy and tired (probably from all the unaccustomed exercise on Saturday) and slept most of the day, especially from around 2.30pm to 5.45pm - I couldn't even wake him at 3pm to take his slow release tablets, though I had to wake him at 5.45pm so that I could change the pain patches - if I had not, he would really have suffered later.
And, for the rest of the evening, he was up and about - back to his walkabouts again - including watching bits and pieces of TV, slowly catching up with his email, even managing to say a brief hello to an old friend who called on our skype for the very first time! Even his voice, which has been pretty soft and whispery for the last few months, sounds a lot stronger and more confident. He is not gaining any weight really (stuck at around 65kg), but he is not losing any either. The pain in his back, as long as the medications are not delayed, is very manageable now, and he feels pretty OK. For the pain in his arm, I have increased the Neurontin - 300mg in the morning, and 600mg at night - though it will still take a few days for that to build up enough in the system to take affect.
So, that's it for now. A fairly upbeat posting for a change, and I only ask that everyone keep praying that it will continue to be upbeat, that the pain will continue to be under control, and that Husband can get stronger and more able to be independent.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Saturday, January 09, 2010
A bit of a puzzle!
OK, to summarise - 2 new pain patches applied yesterday, started on 2 slow release morphine tablets last night at 11pm, and again at 7am today, and to be continued 8 hourly.. and followed up this morning, at 8.45am, and again at 10.45am with 15ml of liquid morphine each time... and YET, the pain that Husband has in his back just does NOT go below a certain level!! It is a puzzlement :-(.
From Husbands perspective, the pain level, on a scale of 0 to 10 (with "0" being equivalent to NO pain, and "10" being equivalent to WORST POSSIBLE pain), his pain level, before AND after consuming the liquid morphine is "3".
So, for now, unless the pain goes UPWARDS, I will not be giving Husband any more of the liquid morphine - it seems a bit pointless if the pain does not go down.
With the current level of pain, Husband is walking a lot more, though he still cannot sit for too long - so he will lie down for a while, then he will be up and wandering round the house, then sit for a while at his computer, then go and lie down, then up again, and the cycle continues. So, even though the pain is not gone, it seems to be at least slightly more manageable.... but the possibility of pain elimination now looks more and more like a pipe dream.
We will persevere, with the assistance of the wonderful hospice staff, and our pain management doctor. So, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, especially with regard to CONTROLLING the pain.
And, till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
From Husbands perspective, the pain level, on a scale of 0 to 10 (with "0" being equivalent to NO pain, and "10" being equivalent to WORST POSSIBLE pain), his pain level, before AND after consuming the liquid morphine is "3".
So, for now, unless the pain goes UPWARDS, I will not be giving Husband any more of the liquid morphine - it seems a bit pointless if the pain does not go down.
With the current level of pain, Husband is walking a lot more, though he still cannot sit for too long - so he will lie down for a while, then he will be up and wandering round the house, then sit for a while at his computer, then go and lie down, then up again, and the cycle continues. So, even though the pain is not gone, it seems to be at least slightly more manageable.... but the possibility of pain elimination now looks more and more like a pipe dream.
We will persevere, with the assistance of the wonderful hospice staff, and our pain management doctor. So, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, especially with regard to CONTROLLING the pain.
And, till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Friday, January 08, 2010
Hospice doc came and went..
I have to say that the hospice people are amazing. They are so responsive, despite being so overloaded. The doc has been calling almost every day to check on Husband, and when he heard yesterday that the pain is escalating he immediately squeezed some time out of his busy schedule to come and see Husband today. He was here at about 1.45, and stayed for an hour. Talked through the plan of action for me to try and keep up with the escalation of pain, with input from Husband whenever the pain escalates. Spent time talking to Husband about life, hope, love, trials, etc, etc, etc. Amazing guy!
Other than that, today has been OK lah.... went for my 4th torture session today - came home completely wrung out and sweaty, but feeling quite chuffed with myself at the same time, that I have survived FOUR gruelling sessions in just one week. I would not have thought I could do it.
To add to the general cheerfulness, my sister came by for lunch, and she is always good company. Luckily we had finished lunch before the doctor turned up, so the timing was pretty good :-).
Now, what is the plan for the next couple of days? This evening at 5.30pm, I am putting on two new pain patches for Husband, and removing the old ones. These should last for 2 days. During this 2 days, the doctor wants me to also add on 2x30mg slow release morphine tablets, every 8 hours, and if this combined regimen brings the pain down drastically, then at the next change of pain patches, he wants me to put THREE pain patches on, and see how we go. The idea being to control the pain AND to reduce the number of pills that Husband has to take. For breakthrough pain, as always, take 15-20ml of liquid morphine.
It also helped a lot that he explained to us that, in situations with cancer patients with intense pain, there is no such thing as overdosing on morphine. Something that would knock me out completely, would have no effect on Husband, other than to bring down the pain. That was a relief to know!!
The side effects will be drowsiness and possibly constipation. Not a lot we can do about the drowsiness, but for the constipation he recommended any laxative based on the senna pod - either Bekunis or Senokot. Since we already have Bekunis (both pill and tea form), we will go with that if required.
So, we start today for the next round of trial and testing to control the pain. Keep fingers crossed and prayers going that the pain CAN be brought under control, and keep Husband in your prayers always.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Other than that, today has been OK lah.... went for my 4th torture session today - came home completely wrung out and sweaty, but feeling quite chuffed with myself at the same time, that I have survived FOUR gruelling sessions in just one week. I would not have thought I could do it.
To add to the general cheerfulness, my sister came by for lunch, and she is always good company. Luckily we had finished lunch before the doctor turned up, so the timing was pretty good :-).
Now, what is the plan for the next couple of days? This evening at 5.30pm, I am putting on two new pain patches for Husband, and removing the old ones. These should last for 2 days. During this 2 days, the doctor wants me to also add on 2x30mg slow release morphine tablets, every 8 hours, and if this combined regimen brings the pain down drastically, then at the next change of pain patches, he wants me to put THREE pain patches on, and see how we go. The idea being to control the pain AND to reduce the number of pills that Husband has to take. For breakthrough pain, as always, take 15-20ml of liquid morphine.
It also helped a lot that he explained to us that, in situations with cancer patients with intense pain, there is no such thing as overdosing on morphine. Something that would knock me out completely, would have no effect on Husband, other than to bring down the pain. That was a relief to know!!
The side effects will be drowsiness and possibly constipation. Not a lot we can do about the drowsiness, but for the constipation he recommended any laxative based on the senna pod - either Bekunis or Senokot. Since we already have Bekunis (both pill and tea form), we will go with that if required.
So, we start today for the next round of trial and testing to control the pain. Keep fingers crossed and prayers going that the pain CAN be brought under control, and keep Husband in your prayers always.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Thursday, January 07, 2010
More meds...
My Mum went to Kerala, South India yesterday. Her older brother (89 years old apparently) just died over the weekend. He was bedridden and very, very ill for a long time, so this was an expected death and, without a doubt, 89 is a very good age to get to! She will be in Kerala for a week and a half, back on 16th Jan.
My wonderful Dad went to the hospital yesterday, on behalf of my Mum, my Husband, AND another friend :-). Mainly to collect all the various medications required by all three. For Husband he came back with 20 Durogesic (fentanyl) pain patches (enough to last maybe 20 days), enough Haloperidol, Celebrex (Celecoxib) and Neurontin (Gabapentin) to last a month, and even aqueous morphine for the breakthrough pain. I know haloperidol is quite cheap, but all the other medicines are not - with the pain patches being the most expensive at just over RM50 for ONE patch. Guess how much that lot cost though? Well, as a local resident, we pay all of RM5 (YES, I said FIVE Ringgit) for the whole bunch - which is amazing! I know that going to a government hospital is not as 'conducive' as a private hospital (especially the waiting time involved), but the cost savings are definitely worth it, and they still have some of the best doctors in the country (like our pain management doctor!!)
The down-side now is that the pain seems to break through earlier and earlier. The first time we tried the double pain patch it kept Husband's pain relatively manageable (not completely gone, but tolerable) for 3 days. The second round was the same. Then it went down to 2.5 days, and as of yesterday it has gone down to less than 2 days per 2 patches. I spoke to the hospice doctor (wonderful person too!!) and he wants me to track the situation for a couple of days, giving Husband aqueous morphine at 15ml per time that the pain breaks through. If the pain is a "constant" as opposed to short break-throughs, then he thinks it is worth while adding one slow release morphine tablet per 8 to 12 hours, to supplement the pain patch and manage the pain better. So, for now, just watch and monitor, and try not to cry when I see Husband suffering :-(.
So, yesterday, at 5.30pm, 2 new pain patches were applied, and 15ml of liquid morphine given, to tide him over till the patches take effect (as the previous pain patches had already given up the ghost as of yesterday morning, and it would take another 12 hours, from appication, for the new patches to take effect). As of this morning, Husband says that the upper spine pain (YES, he now has UPPER - cervical - spine pain as well) is almost negligible, while the lower spine pain (the original location of the pain) is at 3 or 4 in a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being GOOD and 10 being EXTREMELY PAINFUL, and he feels he can manage that for now. As of now he has had his breakfast and is now lying down and resting.
I am off for my 3rd round of physical fitness training (otherwise known as "torture") soon - leaving at 9.30am, for a 10-11am session, and back by 11.15am - leaving Husband with strict instructions to eat a banana and drink some of his Ensure protein drink at 10.30am. Both banana and drink already being set ready next to him - drink in mini fridge, banana on top of mini fridge :-D. I hope I come back with fewer aches than the last round. I am still creaking around the house like an old lady from my last session!
That's it for now folks, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he get stronger each day and more able to bear with the pain that he is suffering, and that we can keep up with the pain and control it better and better.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
My wonderful Dad went to the hospital yesterday, on behalf of my Mum, my Husband, AND another friend :-). Mainly to collect all the various medications required by all three. For Husband he came back with 20 Durogesic (fentanyl) pain patches (enough to last maybe 20 days), enough Haloperidol, Celebrex (Celecoxib) and Neurontin (Gabapentin) to last a month, and even aqueous morphine for the breakthrough pain. I know haloperidol is quite cheap, but all the other medicines are not - with the pain patches being the most expensive at just over RM50 for ONE patch. Guess how much that lot cost though? Well, as a local resident, we pay all of RM5 (YES, I said FIVE Ringgit) for the whole bunch - which is amazing! I know that going to a government hospital is not as 'conducive' as a private hospital (especially the waiting time involved), but the cost savings are definitely worth it, and they still have some of the best doctors in the country (like our pain management doctor!!)
The down-side now is that the pain seems to break through earlier and earlier. The first time we tried the double pain patch it kept Husband's pain relatively manageable (not completely gone, but tolerable) for 3 days. The second round was the same. Then it went down to 2.5 days, and as of yesterday it has gone down to less than 2 days per 2 patches. I spoke to the hospice doctor (wonderful person too!!) and he wants me to track the situation for a couple of days, giving Husband aqueous morphine at 15ml per time that the pain breaks through. If the pain is a "constant" as opposed to short break-throughs, then he thinks it is worth while adding one slow release morphine tablet per 8 to 12 hours, to supplement the pain patch and manage the pain better. So, for now, just watch and monitor, and try not to cry when I see Husband suffering :-(.
So, yesterday, at 5.30pm, 2 new pain patches were applied, and 15ml of liquid morphine given, to tide him over till the patches take effect (as the previous pain patches had already given up the ghost as of yesterday morning, and it would take another 12 hours, from appication, for the new patches to take effect). As of this morning, Husband says that the upper spine pain (YES, he now has UPPER - cervical - spine pain as well) is almost negligible, while the lower spine pain (the original location of the pain) is at 3 or 4 in a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being GOOD and 10 being EXTREMELY PAINFUL, and he feels he can manage that for now. As of now he has had his breakfast and is now lying down and resting.
I am off for my 3rd round of physical fitness training (otherwise known as "torture") soon - leaving at 9.30am, for a 10-11am session, and back by 11.15am - leaving Husband with strict instructions to eat a banana and drink some of his Ensure protein drink at 10.30am. Both banana and drink already being set ready next to him - drink in mini fridge, banana on top of mini fridge :-D. I hope I come back with fewer aches than the last round. I am still creaking around the house like an old lady from my last session!
That's it for now folks, please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he get stronger each day and more able to bear with the pain that he is suffering, and that we can keep up with the pain and control it better and better.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
The physio came today!
It has been a not too bad day in some ways. Up early as usual, meds and then breakfast #1 (a big bowl of oats) at 7.45am for Husband, and at 8am for me. Checked email, online chat with friends, then 10am breakfast #2 for Husband (just a boiled egg). At 10.30am I headed off to the gym, for a SERIOUS work out with a personal trainer (started yesterday actually and today was 2nd session), got a phone call from the Hospice physiotherapist, arranged with him to come after 1pm. Did my work out - by which time every muscle in my body, from head to foot, was quivering in agony - then back home to shower and eat lunch before the physio was due.
Physio turned up at 1.15pm. Big guy, by name of Raymond. He talked and walked Husband through a whole series of simple exercises that can be done while lying on the bed, basically to stretch and contract various muscles in the legs, strengthen the stomach muscles and the butt muscles (the "glutes" as they are known), to BREATHE properly, and even how to get out of bed properly so there is no stress on the spine, and, finally, how to WALK and TURN properly to minimise risk of falling. He also showed me how to massage Husband's feet, legs, the patella(!), and the hands and arms. I did take notes of the exercises, so that I can remind Husband how they are done, and Raymond wants Husband to do these exercises several times during a day, no set time, but when he feels like it. He suggested starting every morning with the exercises, before getting out of bed for breakfast!
He left around 2.45pm, after confirming that he would be back again in one weeks time, to evaluate Husband's progress and, depending on said progress, identify and explain further exercises for him to do.
Sorted out Husband's lunch after that, hung up the washed clothes, and am now going to have a little sit-down and rest, in the hope that my muscles will also relax and not hurt so much! Yes, I know, wishful thinking on my part. Will be going for my next such torture session on Thursday.
Keep praying for Husband, that he WILL do the exercises, that he HAS the will power to do them on an ongoing basis, and that he WILL grow stronger and stronger each day.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Physio turned up at 1.15pm. Big guy, by name of Raymond. He talked and walked Husband through a whole series of simple exercises that can be done while lying on the bed, basically to stretch and contract various muscles in the legs, strengthen the stomach muscles and the butt muscles (the "glutes" as they are known), to BREATHE properly, and even how to get out of bed properly so there is no stress on the spine, and, finally, how to WALK and TURN properly to minimise risk of falling. He also showed me how to massage Husband's feet, legs, the patella(!), and the hands and arms. I did take notes of the exercises, so that I can remind Husband how they are done, and Raymond wants Husband to do these exercises several times during a day, no set time, but when he feels like it. He suggested starting every morning with the exercises, before getting out of bed for breakfast!
He left around 2.45pm, after confirming that he would be back again in one weeks time, to evaluate Husband's progress and, depending on said progress, identify and explain further exercises for him to do.
Sorted out Husband's lunch after that, hung up the washed clothes, and am now going to have a little sit-down and rest, in the hope that my muscles will also relax and not hurt so much! Yes, I know, wishful thinking on my part. Will be going for my next such torture session on Thursday.
Keep praying for Husband, that he WILL do the exercises, that he HAS the will power to do them on an ongoing basis, and that he WILL grow stronger and stronger each day.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Sunday, January 03, 2010
Blecchhhh :-(
It is my turn to have a blecchhhhhhy day today. It is just one of those days. Nobody's fault, maybe just a pile up of loads of things over the last few months.
Just to reassure you, Husband is doing OK today - still doing a lot of sleeping, but had both his breakfasts (oats at 8am, and boiled egg at 10.30am) followed by lunch at 1pm - oats again! - and, at 4pm, half a brioche (made by my sister and brought for breakfast yesterday). He has also been drinking his favourite Pink Dolphin peach flavoured water, his Ensure protein drink, and even a couple of mugs of tea. As you can see - he is definitely eating and drinking reasonably OK, the bags under his eyes have almost disappeared, his face looks much calmer, the left arm pain has restricted itself to just the wrist and back of hand now - and I am hoping that, as he continues taking the Neurontin, even that pain will disappear. The only problem at hand (NO pun intended) is that his whole body is achy from just lying down - a problem I suffer from as well, but once I am up at 7.30am and start moving, the ache eventually recedes. In Husband's case, since it is hard for him to "keep moving", the ache stays with him. Sigh... It is going to take months for him to build up his strength to something reasonable, and it is going to require a lot of will power - and 'wife' power when the will power wears out.
My parents were supposed to come for lunch today - with lunch for the maid and myself - but, as it turns out, my Dad now being the new treasurer of the church, he has to stay right till the very end, to collect all the offerings and then write them up immediately into the collections book. So my mum, chauffeured by my sister, dropped some food off for me and the maid, and then went straight home. I must admit I was rather disappointed as I had been looking forward to their company at lunch time. I guess that contributed to this being a blechy day too.... but my mum was not feeling well herself, hence the rush to get home and rest. My dad came by later and picked up the maid to take her back.
So, we have a nice clean house, a reasonably fortified husband, loads of food for me for dinner (since I was in no mood for lunch earlier, all the food brought by my mum is still waiting to be consumed - other than what has already eaten by the maid), it has just stopped raining and is lovely and cool, my sister gave me a bunch of magazines to read, and there is nothing else requiring my attention - oh, except for the fact that I must remember to make a chicken stew tonight, before I sleep - so that it is ready for Husband to eat tomorrow at lunch time. Aren't slow cookers a marvellous invention? :-D
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he should have the will power to overcome the "wont" power, and that he will keep gaining in strength.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Just to reassure you, Husband is doing OK today - still doing a lot of sleeping, but had both his breakfasts (oats at 8am, and boiled egg at 10.30am) followed by lunch at 1pm - oats again! - and, at 4pm, half a brioche (made by my sister and brought for breakfast yesterday). He has also been drinking his favourite Pink Dolphin peach flavoured water, his Ensure protein drink, and even a couple of mugs of tea. As you can see - he is definitely eating and drinking reasonably OK, the bags under his eyes have almost disappeared, his face looks much calmer, the left arm pain has restricted itself to just the wrist and back of hand now - and I am hoping that, as he continues taking the Neurontin, even that pain will disappear. The only problem at hand (NO pun intended) is that his whole body is achy from just lying down - a problem I suffer from as well, but once I am up at 7.30am and start moving, the ache eventually recedes. In Husband's case, since it is hard for him to "keep moving", the ache stays with him. Sigh... It is going to take months for him to build up his strength to something reasonable, and it is going to require a lot of will power - and 'wife' power when the will power wears out.
My parents were supposed to come for lunch today - with lunch for the maid and myself - but, as it turns out, my Dad now being the new treasurer of the church, he has to stay right till the very end, to collect all the offerings and then write them up immediately into the collections book. So my mum, chauffeured by my sister, dropped some food off for me and the maid, and then went straight home. I must admit I was rather disappointed as I had been looking forward to their company at lunch time. I guess that contributed to this being a blechy day too.... but my mum was not feeling well herself, hence the rush to get home and rest. My dad came by later and picked up the maid to take her back.
So, we have a nice clean house, a reasonably fortified husband, loads of food for me for dinner (since I was in no mood for lunch earlier, all the food brought by my mum is still waiting to be consumed - other than what has already eaten by the maid), it has just stopped raining and is lovely and cool, my sister gave me a bunch of magazines to read, and there is nothing else requiring my attention - oh, except for the fact that I must remember to make a chicken stew tonight, before I sleep - so that it is ready for Husband to eat tomorrow at lunch time. Aren't slow cookers a marvellous invention? :-D
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers, that he should have the will power to overcome the "wont" power, and that he will keep gaining in strength.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Are we on an upward swing?
No hallucinations since yesterday, pain under reasonable control (including arm pain!), eating slightly more than normal (or rather, I am giving him bigger portions of oats porridge and rice porridge and he is finishing it!), even managed to come and sit with us at breakfast this morning for a little while - long enough to eat his soft boiled egg, before he headed back to sleep.
And by "us", I refer to my parents, my sister (Sue), and her husband (TJ) and 2 boys (Luke and Stevie). TJ had brought along two strips of the Ganaton tablets for Husband (gets his stomach moving), which was great as I only had enough to last till tomorrow. He said he had those two strips of Ganaton in his clinic and decided to bring them along to tide me over till he can order more for me.
It was really nice having them over this morning.... especially as Sue had made a fresh batch of brioche, which she brought over as part of breakfast. YUMMY! After all the cleaning up following breakfast, Stevie (who had come ready with his swimming trunks) went down for a swim, accompanied by TJ, while the rest of us just lounged about half asleep, sort of watching TV. Husband was fast asleep as well, still catching up on his missed sleep.
Everyone left just before lunch, and I was way too full to think about eating lunch. Husband only wanted to eat oats porridge for lunch, so got that sorted for him, and after that he headed back to bed again! He is starting to look more like himself, less tired, his eyes are clearer, and his face is a lot more relaxed, now that he has caught up on some of his sleep. Once he starts feeling less sleep deprived he is planning on getting up and sitting up for short periods of time - 10 minutes on his piano, maybe a short burst of surfing the net, some reading, some TV watching. And, of course, not forgetting, we have the physio coming some time this week too.
He spent practically the whole afternoon, all the way to 6pm, fast asleep. I wanted to wake him at 4pm to have a snack, but did not have the heart to wake him up - which, unfortunately, meant that he started having gastric pains soon after he woke up so I had to make him an early dinner. For a change, I tried him on maggi chicken noodle soup, with an egg cracked into it, and he really loved it! No bad reactions to it, and he managed to finish 80% of it! Which is pretty good cos a full serving is a full meal for him normally, so 80% at this time.. that is GREAT!
Even managed to have a shower at 9pm, which is quite an exhausting task for him, and he is now back in bed, all clean and fresh, and catching his breath. Hoping to get him up in a little while to have some ice cream :-), try and tempt his taste buds back to normal again.
As you can see, with Husband sleeping pretty much the whole day, it has been very quiet for me. Tomorrow will be another quiet day, but my parents will be dropping the maid off at our place, on their way to church, so she can clean the house. After church they will be buying lunch for themselves, me, and the maid, and coming back here to have lunch with me. I am going to try Husband on Maggi noodles again, if his mood allows... if not, it will be either oats or rice porridge! BUT, I am going to make a small pot of CHICKEN STEW tomorrow night, for Monday, and hope that he can have some of the stew (minus the chicken meat) as it is so good for him!
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers - I know it is your prayers that are helping us, and keeping us going, and it is your prayers for him that are giving him the strength to continue.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
And by "us", I refer to my parents, my sister (Sue), and her husband (TJ) and 2 boys (Luke and Stevie). TJ had brought along two strips of the Ganaton tablets for Husband (gets his stomach moving), which was great as I only had enough to last till tomorrow. He said he had those two strips of Ganaton in his clinic and decided to bring them along to tide me over till he can order more for me.
It was really nice having them over this morning.... especially as Sue had made a fresh batch of brioche, which she brought over as part of breakfast. YUMMY! After all the cleaning up following breakfast, Stevie (who had come ready with his swimming trunks) went down for a swim, accompanied by TJ, while the rest of us just lounged about half asleep, sort of watching TV. Husband was fast asleep as well, still catching up on his missed sleep.
Everyone left just before lunch, and I was way too full to think about eating lunch. Husband only wanted to eat oats porridge for lunch, so got that sorted for him, and after that he headed back to bed again! He is starting to look more like himself, less tired, his eyes are clearer, and his face is a lot more relaxed, now that he has caught up on some of his sleep. Once he starts feeling less sleep deprived he is planning on getting up and sitting up for short periods of time - 10 minutes on his piano, maybe a short burst of surfing the net, some reading, some TV watching. And, of course, not forgetting, we have the physio coming some time this week too.
He spent practically the whole afternoon, all the way to 6pm, fast asleep. I wanted to wake him at 4pm to have a snack, but did not have the heart to wake him up - which, unfortunately, meant that he started having gastric pains soon after he woke up so I had to make him an early dinner. For a change, I tried him on maggi chicken noodle soup, with an egg cracked into it, and he really loved it! No bad reactions to it, and he managed to finish 80% of it! Which is pretty good cos a full serving is a full meal for him normally, so 80% at this time.. that is GREAT!
Even managed to have a shower at 9pm, which is quite an exhausting task for him, and he is now back in bed, all clean and fresh, and catching his breath. Hoping to get him up in a little while to have some ice cream :-), try and tempt his taste buds back to normal again.
As you can see, with Husband sleeping pretty much the whole day, it has been very quiet for me. Tomorrow will be another quiet day, but my parents will be dropping the maid off at our place, on their way to church, so she can clean the house. After church they will be buying lunch for themselves, me, and the maid, and coming back here to have lunch with me. I am going to try Husband on Maggi noodles again, if his mood allows... if not, it will be either oats or rice porridge! BUT, I am going to make a small pot of CHICKEN STEW tomorrow night, for Monday, and hope that he can have some of the stew (minus the chicken meat) as it is so good for him!
Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers - I know it is your prayers that are helping us, and keeping us going, and it is your prayers for him that are giving him the strength to continue.
Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Friday, January 01, 2010
Jan 1st 2010... 1st post of the New Year
First of all, it looks like the haloperidol is bringing the hallucinations under control... which is cause enough, right now, for being happy :-D. As of this morning, after his 1st breakfast, Husband has SLEPT!! I did get him up to have his usual boiled egg at 10.30am, but he was half-asleep throughout, and went straight back to bed... so I told him I would not wake him up at 1pm for lunch if he was still sleeping, but I would wait till 3pm, so that he could have a block of several hours sleep.
At noon I headed into Mont'Kiara Plaza, to get some grocery shopping done, and to meet a dear friend (Fay) and her little girl, Sabrina, for lunch, after which we came straight back home as I don't like leaving Husband alone for more than 1 to 2 hours at any time. Got home, put a cartoon on for Sabrina to watch (she is a very grown up 9 year old!!), while Fay and I caught up on all our latest news. Fay and I, together with another two dear friends, Rini and TT, go back to the early/mid-90's, and have been close since the days we worked together in Informix. Rini and TT came last weekend, but Fay couldn't make it then... but she made it today.
It is now 4pm, Husband has had his late lunch, he is starting to look a bit less doped, though I think it is going to be tomorrow before he catches up on enough of his missed sleep that he might start to FEEL more human :-). I am having a cuppa right now, and then will head out to the Shoplex Deli to get stuff for tomorrow's breakfast, as my parents and my sis and her husband and 2 boys are coming over for breakfast.
We have received Happy New Year calls from Kevin in the UK (Husband and I both miss him terribly - he is such a dear friend and, in a lot of ways, he has been my lifeline at some of my lowest points), and also from Tony and Peng - my other two remote lifelines :-).
I hope for all my dear family and friends that the year 2010 is better in every way than the year just gone, and I specifically hope and pray for Husband that things just continue to get better for him in every way, every day - his strength, his appetite, his will to live!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, and, till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
At noon I headed into Mont'Kiara Plaza, to get some grocery shopping done, and to meet a dear friend (Fay) and her little girl, Sabrina, for lunch, after which we came straight back home as I don't like leaving Husband alone for more than 1 to 2 hours at any time. Got home, put a cartoon on for Sabrina to watch (she is a very grown up 9 year old!!), while Fay and I caught up on all our latest news. Fay and I, together with another two dear friends, Rini and TT, go back to the early/mid-90's, and have been close since the days we worked together in Informix. Rini and TT came last weekend, but Fay couldn't make it then... but she made it today.
It is now 4pm, Husband has had his late lunch, he is starting to look a bit less doped, though I think it is going to be tomorrow before he catches up on enough of his missed sleep that he might start to FEEL more human :-). I am having a cuppa right now, and then will head out to the Shoplex Deli to get stuff for tomorrow's breakfast, as my parents and my sis and her husband and 2 boys are coming over for breakfast.
We have received Happy New Year calls from Kevin in the UK (Husband and I both miss him terribly - he is such a dear friend and, in a lot of ways, he has been my lifeline at some of my lowest points), and also from Tony and Peng - my other two remote lifelines :-).
I hope for all my dear family and friends that the year 2010 is better in every way than the year just gone, and I specifically hope and pray for Husband that things just continue to get better for him in every way, every day - his strength, his appetite, his will to live!
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL, and, till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
I hope things improve in 2010 :-p
2009 was a really, really difficult year for Husband and, by extension, myself. In Dec 2008 we had already decided that we were going to retire and come back to KL from SG, and live in our beautiful condo at Hijauan Kiara. In Jan 2009 I told my boss that I wanted to quit, Husband had made it clear to his employers that he had ALREADY quit and was just working part-time with them while waiting for my job to be over.
Then, in Feb 2009, Husband got hit with a major whammy: stage 4 colon cancer, an operation to remove a 100% blockage of the descending colon, a friction sore on the bum, treatment and operation to close up the sore, major bleed outs, major pain, chemotherapy, no positive response to chemo, major major pain, radiotherapy, bad cases of diarrhoea, major puking, major weight loss, and so many other issues too numerous to list down
And, yet, here we are... having survived all that, we are now in 2010. I hope and pray for Husband that the situation with regards to the pain will continue to improve. That the physiotherapist will be able to get him exercising and moving, so that he gain some strength. That his gastroparesis will continue to improve so that he can start eating normally again. That he will have some QUALITY OF LIFE.
Death is not something that either of us are afraid of - it is a totally natural part of life isn't it? What we DON'T want is this constant suffering, because then you totally cannot enjoy anything of life, we cannot enjoy our time together, and the entire focus is purely on surviving the ongoing PAIN... and that is NOT living!
Today has been a so-so sort of day. Went to the hospital to FINALLY get the CT Scan results - which do not show anything different from what we already know, and concludes with the statement that there is "no apparent cause for the left arm paresthesis." Sigh.....
Husband has been OK where his back is concerned - yep, there is pain, but it is tolerable. His arm on the other hand (no pun intended!) sometimes really plays up badly, while at other times the pain is tolerable. I guess it will take a bit more time for the Neurontin to continue to build up sufficiently in his system to really control it. He kept asking me for morphine, to control the arm pain but he and I both know that the morphine does nothing to control the arm pain, so I just did not give him any morphine.
The hallucinations are still there - though we have started on haloperidol to bring that under control. The hospice doctor said it would take 3 - 4 days for the meds to bring the hallucinations under control and today was just day #1 on those meds... double sigh! The hallucinations are NOT as bad or as extreme as they were when he first started on morphine. These mostly involve talking to people who are not there, and actually getting upset with me because I can't see the people he is talking to. The problem is that he continues talking to these non-existent people all through the night, so neither he nor I get any sleep at all!!! Triple sigh....
It is just 36 minutes into the new year now, and I spent the first 15 minutes of the New Year standing on our balcony, watching 5 different sets of fireworks in 5 different parts of town, while toasting in the year with a glass of muscat liqueur. Part of the toast was, of course, a thank you to God for bringing us this far, and asking Him to be with us as we continue this very difficult journey, and a thank you to Him also for all our amazing and wonderful family, and our friends, without whom we could not have made it this far!
So, pray for Husband that things will continue to improve, slowly but steadily. And, in turn, I pray for EVERYONE of my family and friends that 2010 be a wonderful year, that life is joyous and blessed and full of love, that work is challenging in a good way, and rewarding, and that some element of prosperity also find its way into our lives :-D.
Till next time everyone, have a GREAT start to 2010, and, remember, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Then, in Feb 2009, Husband got hit with a major whammy: stage 4 colon cancer, an operation to remove a 100% blockage of the descending colon, a friction sore on the bum, treatment and operation to close up the sore, major bleed outs, major pain, chemotherapy, no positive response to chemo, major major pain, radiotherapy, bad cases of diarrhoea, major puking, major weight loss, and so many other issues too numerous to list down
And, yet, here we are... having survived all that, we are now in 2010. I hope and pray for Husband that the situation with regards to the pain will continue to improve. That the physiotherapist will be able to get him exercising and moving, so that he gain some strength. That his gastroparesis will continue to improve so that he can start eating normally again. That he will have some QUALITY OF LIFE.
Death is not something that either of us are afraid of - it is a totally natural part of life isn't it? What we DON'T want is this constant suffering, because then you totally cannot enjoy anything of life, we cannot enjoy our time together, and the entire focus is purely on surviving the ongoing PAIN... and that is NOT living!
Today has been a so-so sort of day. Went to the hospital to FINALLY get the CT Scan results - which do not show anything different from what we already know, and concludes with the statement that there is "no apparent cause for the left arm paresthesis." Sigh.....
Husband has been OK where his back is concerned - yep, there is pain, but it is tolerable. His arm on the other hand (no pun intended!) sometimes really plays up badly, while at other times the pain is tolerable. I guess it will take a bit more time for the Neurontin to continue to build up sufficiently in his system to really control it. He kept asking me for morphine, to control the arm pain but he and I both know that the morphine does nothing to control the arm pain, so I just did not give him any morphine.
The hallucinations are still there - though we have started on haloperidol to bring that under control. The hospice doctor said it would take 3 - 4 days for the meds to bring the hallucinations under control and today was just day #1 on those meds... double sigh! The hallucinations are NOT as bad or as extreme as they were when he first started on morphine. These mostly involve talking to people who are not there, and actually getting upset with me because I can't see the people he is talking to. The problem is that he continues talking to these non-existent people all through the night, so neither he nor I get any sleep at all!!! Triple sigh....
It is just 36 minutes into the new year now, and I spent the first 15 minutes of the New Year standing on our balcony, watching 5 different sets of fireworks in 5 different parts of town, while toasting in the year with a glass of muscat liqueur. Part of the toast was, of course, a thank you to God for bringing us this far, and asking Him to be with us as we continue this very difficult journey, and a thank you to Him also for all our amazing and wonderful family, and our friends, without whom we could not have made it this far!
So, pray for Husband that things will continue to improve, slowly but steadily. And, in turn, I pray for EVERYONE of my family and friends that 2010 be a wonderful year, that life is joyous and blessed and full of love, that work is challenging in a good way, and rewarding, and that some element of prosperity also find its way into our lives :-D.
Till next time everyone, have a GREAT start to 2010, and, remember, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
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