I hope things improve in 2010 :-p

2009 was a really, really difficult year for Husband and, by extension, myself. In Dec 2008 we had already decided that we were going to retire and come back to KL from SG, and live in our beautiful condo at Hijauan Kiara. In Jan 2009 I told my boss that I wanted to quit, Husband had made it clear to his employers that he had ALREADY quit and was just working part-time with them while waiting for my job to be over.

Then, in Feb 2009, Husband got hit with a major whammy: stage 4 colon cancer, an operation to remove a 100% blockage of the descending colon, a friction sore on the bum, treatment and operation to close up the sore, major bleed outs, major pain, chemotherapy, no positive response to chemo, major major pain, radiotherapy, bad cases of diarrhoea, major puking, major weight loss, and so many other issues too numerous to list down

And, yet, here we are... having survived all that, we are now in 2010. I hope and pray for Husband that the situation with regards to the pain will continue to improve. That the physiotherapist will be able to get him exercising and moving, so that he gain some strength. That his gastroparesis will continue to improve so that he can start eating normally again. That he will have some QUALITY OF LIFE.

Death is not something that either of us are afraid of - it is a totally natural part of life isn't it? What we DON'T want is this constant suffering, because then you totally cannot enjoy anything of life, we cannot enjoy our time together, and the entire focus is purely on surviving the ongoing PAIN... and that is NOT living!

Today has been a so-so sort of day. Went to the hospital to FINALLY get the CT Scan results - which do not show anything different from what we already know, and concludes with the statement that there is "no apparent cause for the left arm paresthesis." Sigh.....

Husband has been OK where his back is concerned - yep, there is pain, but it is tolerable. His arm on the other hand (no pun intended!) sometimes really plays up badly, while at other times the pain is tolerable. I guess it will take a bit more time for the Neurontin to continue to build up sufficiently in his system to really control it. He kept asking me for morphine, to control the arm pain but he and I both know that the morphine does nothing to control the arm pain, so I just did not give him any morphine.

The hallucinations are still there - though we have started on haloperidol to bring that under control. The hospice doctor said it would take 3 - 4 days for the meds to bring the hallucinations under control and today was just day #1 on those meds... double sigh! The hallucinations are NOT as bad or as extreme as they were when he first started on morphine. These mostly involve talking to people who are not there, and actually getting upset with me because I can't see the people he is talking to. The problem is that he continues talking to these non-existent people all through the night, so neither he nor I get any sleep at all!!! Triple sigh....

It is just 36 minutes into the new year now, and I spent the first 15 minutes of the New Year standing on our balcony, watching 5 different sets of fireworks in 5 different parts of town, while toasting in the year with a glass of muscat liqueur. Part of the toast was, of course, a thank you to God for bringing us this far, and asking Him to be with us as we continue this very difficult journey, and a thank you to Him also for all our amazing and wonderful family, and our friends, without whom we could not have made it this far!

So, pray for Husband that things will continue to improve, slowly but steadily. And, in turn, I pray for EVERYONE of my family and friends that 2010 be a wonderful year, that life is joyous and blessed and full of love, that work is challenging in a good way, and rewarding, and that some element of prosperity also find its way into our lives :-D.

Till next time everyone, have a GREAT start to 2010, and, remember, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!