It's been a tough week

It really has been difficult.

Last week, Tuesday morning, called for an ambulance to take Husband to Selayang hospital, as he was just too exhausted and weak to stay on his feet long enough to get down to the car park and into our car. SO... I packed a bag with all the stuff he and I would need for the 7 day stay at the hospital, and my Dad and Mum came and took the bag to the hospital for me, while I went in the ambulance with Husband.

Our wonderful pain management doctor had organised everything - first class single room arranged, admission form already at the ward. All I had to do was get Husband settled in, and then take the admission form and go down to the registration desk and register him. He was registered as a local resident, so the deposit I had to pay was fairly minimal.

Bearing in mind that Selayang is a gov't hospital, I must say that the facilities, and the staff, are as excellent as the private hospitals. The only thing missing from our VERY large first class single room was a fridge - and I had anticipated that problem and brought along the miniature fridge that usually sits on Husband's bed side table - otherwise it would have been an even bigger problem getting Husband to drink as he will not drink warm water! Even the shower facilities here were better than in the private hospital - for one thing the water pressure was excellent and, for another, they actually have shower curtains so I didn't have to worry about inundating the whole bathroom when I showered each day! As for my 'bed', as always, it was one of those pool recliners - metal frame with plastic strips woven across it. The hospital provided me with a pillow and a blanket - I lined the recliner with the blanket and used my own fleece as cover. I guess I am used to what facilities are like in hospitals to come prepared with blankets, fleeces, towels, toiletries, etc, in addition to clothes and books, of course.

They started Husband on the ketamine burst treatment the very same afternoon. Basically a syringe, filled with a mix of 100ml of Ketamine, plus 5ml of Haloperidol (to counteract hallucinations, and aid him in sleeping), plus whatever buffering solution, connected to a battery operated pump (the whole contraption not much longer than from my finger tips to the base of my palm), with a tube running from the syringe to the IV port that was connected to Husband's chemo-port (THANK GOD for the chemo-port. I could not imagine them having to hunt for a vein in his poor arms!!). It took them a couple of minutes to make sure the chemo-port was still clear - first by injecting heparin solution in, and then by pulling back to make sure blood comes back through the tube. If both work well (in and out), then the port is clear and can be used. A single syringe of the ketamine concoction was dispensed in this method over a 24-hour period. Each day, as one syringe emptied, it was removed and another syringe, with a fresh batch of the ketamine concoction, put in its place. This continued through till Saturday afternoon, when the decision was made NOT to continue with the final syringe as Husband was showing a hyper-sensitivity to the drug and was already responding.

The whole point of this was to "reset" his pain centre, and to sensitise his body to morphine so that a lower dose of morphine would be as effective as a higher dose of morphine was previously (pre-ketamine).

So, that was the procedure, in a nutshell.... so why was it a tough week? Because the drugs hit Husband very hard - he was dazed, doped, totally "out-of-it". He lost his appetite completely - and in the one week he was there, he absolutely refused to eat anything. I was only able to coax him to eat a few mouthfuls of rice broth (porridge) each evening, nothing more. He drank a little bit too - but even that was difficult. He DID manage to sleep the first 3 nights, but I could not sleep as I was just too worried that he would wake and be confused in this new environment - so every creak of his hospital bed and I would be out of my recliner to check on him. Not conducive to sleep :-(.

Even though the treatment completed on Saturday, they wanted to keep Husband in until Monday to keep him under observation. The treatment does seem to have worked, as his morphine requirements have definitely been reduced - the only question is, for how long? Right now, instead of 2 pain patches every 2 days, he has ONE pain patch every 2 days, and instead of 60mg of slow release morphine tablets every 8 hours, he is on 60mg every 12 hours. He still has to take all the other pain meds, but none of them had been of too much concern in the first place - only the high dose of morphine had been a concern.

We checked out on Monday afternoon. Had to wait for the pharmacy to bring up all the meds to take home for Husband, and then go down to pay the bill - suffice to say that of the 7 days in hospital, the most expensive component was the room - at a paltry RM80 per night! The daily charges, including the presence of two senior doctors, the specialist, the nurses, and all the meds, came to a paltry RM10 per day! And the cost of the single xray, and blood tests, totalled the grand sum of RM170. For a final total of RM800!!! I actually got money BACK from the deposit. I could not believe it!

We got an ambulance to bring us home on Monday afternoon. The driver took one look at Husbands fragility and must have taken it on himself to make sure he got us back home as fast as possible, so Husband could get into bed. He had the siren on the WHOLE WAY - and (it was truly amazing to see), ALL MALAYSIAN DRIVERS IMMEDIATELY RESPONDED TO THE SIREN AND JUST GOT OUT OF THE WAY ASAP. Even at traffic lights, and in traffic jammed areas (quite a number), they literally just peeled away to the sides of the roads and lanes of traffic, and left a clear path right down the centre for the ambulance to go through. It was AMAZING to watch - because I have seen ambulances in Singapore trying desperately to get through, and nobody gives way!! Here, in Malaysia, where we always complain about how inconsiderate drivers are, they ALL, without a single exception, gave way! And I had a ring side view as I was in the front passenger seat, directing the driver back to our home! Phew.. must admit it was kind of a scary experience though.

Anyway, we are home now. Husband is slowly starting to eat again - though he only wants his oats porridge (cooked in water, sweetened with honey and topped up with 100ml full cream milk). He is still very tired, very weak, very dazed - though he does know me, and he can nod or shake his head in response to my questions. He can still stand, can still walk - though slowly. The hospice people are coming in tomorrow, to evaluate his status, and discuss with me what kind of help, if any, I may need. My parents are, of course, just waiting to give me any support that I need, with both of them prepared to come and stay with us. BUT, given that they are not exactly spring chickens themselves, I still have to consider other options. They are, however, coming over on Thursday morning, to stay with Husband while I go out for the groceries and also for some "me" time as well.

My parents and my sister and her family are coming over for dinner this Wednesday - as it is my Mum's birthday and since I can't really go out anywhere, and Husband definitely can't go anywhere, we are celebrating it here at Husband's and my place, so that we are all together.

That's it folks. It has been a really difficult week for Husband in all ways, and it has been a difficult week for me emotionally. I think I have cried more this last week than I have in the last 1 year. And I don't think I have finished with my tears either. Every tear that I cry, it has still been worthwhile the time I have had, and continue to have, with this amazing Husband of mine - he truly is, in every way, one in a million, and I have been so blessed to have him in my life.

Please continue to keep Husband in your thoughts and prayers - for strength, for peace of mind, for freedom from hallucinations.

Till next time, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!