I don't know if I am going to keep writing in this blog. It reminds me too much of what has taken place over the last one year. So... hmmm, do I completely stop writing? or do I start a new blog? or do I stop this one and move on to my "just my point of view" blog?
Let me think about it...
UPDATED Monday March 1st:
OK, I have thought about it. This blog would be too much of a heartache for me to continue with, so I am no longer updating it. However, you can follow my random musings at my other blog "Just my point of view", which can be found at "http://justmpov.blogspot.com" (link is under the Blogs list on the right).
No, it probably won't be updated as often as Phil-o-sopher was... but then, I guess my life is slowly going back to normal, now that Ken has passed away, and that means a more quiet life, at least for now. So, feel free to follow my new blog, and thank you also for following Ken and I through the last part of our journey together. It was an amazing, scary, sad, uplifting, horrifying, wonderful time we had, and I was truly blessed to have such an amazing husband. Wherever he has gone to, he is no longer suffering, and that is all that counts.
Take care, faithful readers, and may you all live lives of joy, filled with love and blessings.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Trying to keep busy
My family and my friends, as always, have been absolutely amazing.
There seems to almost be a "plan" where, day by day, SOMEONE will call or visit or come for a meal or take me out for a meal or meet me for shopping or SOMETHING. It is like a small conspiracy to keep me from being alone too much. I mean, let me give you a brief summary of what has been happening since Ken's funeral.
- funeral, on 11th Feb
- 12th Feb: Was at my parents house from lunch onwards, spent the night
- 13th Feb: returned from parents house, had dinner with Efy and Sianny and they decided they would spend the night with me.
- 14th Feb: Was out for movie with my sister and her two boys in the afternoon
- 15th Feb: Sister made cinnamon rolls, so was at her house for tea
- 16th Feb: E&S came over in the afternoon, and my parents came and joined us for dinner!
- 17th Feb: Went for a pedicure in the morning with Jodi and Susha, then Adrian came for dinner and we sat talking till almost 11pm!
- 18th Feb: Met Koshu for lunch at Ms Read's Delicious in BV2
- 19th Feb: Jodi dropped by in the morning for a while, then I went to Gardens to meet the gang from Oracle for lunch, then to Beena's house for 5pm, and then to Malini's house for dinner
- 20th Feb: Brother and sis-in-law came to stay the night, the whole family came over, and we went out for dinner.
- 21st Feb: Breakfast with Bro/Sis-in-law, Jon/Jodi/Jake at J&Rs at Damansara. And Keen is coming over for dinner tonight with his girfriend!
- 22nd Feb (TOMORROW): Meeting some of the Oracle gang for breakfast at Bangsar, then lunch with the agent who organised the MM2H visa for Ken (need to cancel the visa now)
So, as you can see... I have been kept busy during the day, and quite often till fairly late in the evening. What does this mean really? Well, I guess it means that daytimes are pretty OK for me. I don't have a lot of time to sit and think - and if I do, I just read a book, or do Sudoku, or something, to keep my mind occupied. NIGHT TIME however, is rather difficult :-(. That, since the first night on my own, has been TOUGH! If I just lie down and try and sleep, it hits me really hard that Ken is not with me any more - that the space he used to occupy on my right, is now empty. There is nobody there any more. Oh man, that is so awful - that is when I start crying and sometimes cannot stop for a long long time. It really hits home that he is not with me anymore - that I cannot tell him the stories of what has happened during the day, or moan to him about crazy drivers, or tell him about the various emails or phone calls I receive - many of them asking about him. There is nobody to share things with anymore. My big teddy bear (Ready Teddy, that Ken had given me for my birthday in 2008), sits on the bed next to me, and he absorbs a lot of my tears, but my REAL teddy bear has gone.
So, what do I do? I read, I do sudoku. Until my eyes are so incredibly tired I cannot hold them open any more, then I will sleep - because then I can fall asleep almost immediately, without too much time to think. This usually happens around 3am, or 4am... and then I am awake again around 7am, though I don't necessarily get out of bed till 8am. So, yeah, I guess I am not getting a lot of sleep, but after one year of not getting enough sleep my body doesn't seem to need that much sleep anyway. Maybe one day it will catch up with me but, for now, I am managing on just 3 - 4 hours sleep a day.
I know life will not ever go back to "normal", or at least the "normal" that it was before Ken passed away... but I do also know that I will eventually get back on an even keel, that the hurt and the pain will be soothed at least so that it does not feel like being constantly stabbed with a sharp knife. Only God knows when that will happen.
Till then, one step at a time, one day at a time. And, to all of you out there, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
There seems to almost be a "plan" where, day by day, SOMEONE will call or visit or come for a meal or take me out for a meal or meet me for shopping or SOMETHING. It is like a small conspiracy to keep me from being alone too much. I mean, let me give you a brief summary of what has been happening since Ken's funeral.
- funeral, on 11th Feb
- 12th Feb: Was at my parents house from lunch onwards, spent the night
- 13th Feb: returned from parents house, had dinner with Efy and Sianny and they decided they would spend the night with me.
- 14th Feb: Was out for movie with my sister and her two boys in the afternoon
- 15th Feb: Sister made cinnamon rolls, so was at her house for tea
- 16th Feb: E&S came over in the afternoon, and my parents came and joined us for dinner!
- 17th Feb: Went for a pedicure in the morning with Jodi and Susha, then Adrian came for dinner and we sat talking till almost 11pm!
- 18th Feb: Met Koshu for lunch at Ms Read's Delicious in BV2
- 19th Feb: Jodi dropped by in the morning for a while, then I went to Gardens to meet the gang from Oracle for lunch, then to Beena's house for 5pm, and then to Malini's house for dinner
- 20th Feb: Brother and sis-in-law came to stay the night, the whole family came over, and we went out for dinner.
- 21st Feb: Breakfast with Bro/Sis-in-law, Jon/Jodi/Jake at J&Rs at Damansara. And Keen is coming over for dinner tonight with his girfriend!
- 22nd Feb (TOMORROW): Meeting some of the Oracle gang for breakfast at Bangsar, then lunch with the agent who organised the MM2H visa for Ken (need to cancel the visa now)
So, as you can see... I have been kept busy during the day, and quite often till fairly late in the evening. What does this mean really? Well, I guess it means that daytimes are pretty OK for me. I don't have a lot of time to sit and think - and if I do, I just read a book, or do Sudoku, or something, to keep my mind occupied. NIGHT TIME however, is rather difficult :-(. That, since the first night on my own, has been TOUGH! If I just lie down and try and sleep, it hits me really hard that Ken is not with me any more - that the space he used to occupy on my right, is now empty. There is nobody there any more. Oh man, that is so awful - that is when I start crying and sometimes cannot stop for a long long time. It really hits home that he is not with me anymore - that I cannot tell him the stories of what has happened during the day, or moan to him about crazy drivers, or tell him about the various emails or phone calls I receive - many of them asking about him. There is nobody to share things with anymore. My big teddy bear (Ready Teddy, that Ken had given me for my birthday in 2008), sits on the bed next to me, and he absorbs a lot of my tears, but my REAL teddy bear has gone.
So, what do I do? I read, I do sudoku. Until my eyes are so incredibly tired I cannot hold them open any more, then I will sleep - because then I can fall asleep almost immediately, without too much time to think. This usually happens around 3am, or 4am... and then I am awake again around 7am, though I don't necessarily get out of bed till 8am. So, yeah, I guess I am not getting a lot of sleep, but after one year of not getting enough sleep my body doesn't seem to need that much sleep anyway. Maybe one day it will catch up with me but, for now, I am managing on just 3 - 4 hours sleep a day.
I know life will not ever go back to "normal", or at least the "normal" that it was before Ken passed away... but I do also know that I will eventually get back on an even keel, that the hurt and the pain will be soothed at least so that it does not feel like being constantly stabbed with a sharp knife. Only God knows when that will happen.
Till then, one step at a time, one day at a time. And, to all of you out there, stay safe, stay HEALTHY!
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I have been so blessed!
How many people do you think, have been lucky enough, blessed enough, in their lifetime, to find their soul mate? The person who is, literally, their "other half", the one who fills the HOLE in your heart and makes you WHOLE! And how many of those people also have the most amazing family anyone could wish for - funny, talkative, contentious, argumentative, loving, caring, and incredibly supportive - who completely accept the 'other half' who has just joined their family? And, on top of all that, how many people also have the most wonderful and caring bunch of friends anyone could ask for?
I have been that blessed.
Yes, it was an incredibly difficult year, particularly for Ken who had to live with all the pain and suffering, but we had so much support, so much love, that just poured out on us like a never ending flood.... and that love and support is still spilling out on to me even now, after Ken is gone.
Another major blessing was that Ken's two daughters managed to get back in touch with him after so many years, and Ken was even able to see his GREAT grandson (how many people can get to see their GREAT grandchildren!!). While he was able to, he had a few conversations with his son, his daughters, his sister, his best friend in Wales, our close friends in Holland. I am so glad that he was back in touch with his children while there was still time. And, with the wonders of technology, not only did they SPEAK but they were also able to SEE each other, via Skype. Absolutely amazing!
It will be a long time before I can think of Ken without crying from missing him so much, but I know that I will never doubt that he was an absolute blessing in my life, and in the lives of all those he touched.
And I don't doubt that he is somewhere peaceful and joyful, waiting for me, and that I will see him there again, when it is my turn to go, and that will be such happiness!
I have been that blessed.
Yes, it was an incredibly difficult year, particularly for Ken who had to live with all the pain and suffering, but we had so much support, so much love, that just poured out on us like a never ending flood.... and that love and support is still spilling out on to me even now, after Ken is gone.
Another major blessing was that Ken's two daughters managed to get back in touch with him after so many years, and Ken was even able to see his GREAT grandson (how many people can get to see their GREAT grandchildren!!). While he was able to, he had a few conversations with his son, his daughters, his sister, his best friend in Wales, our close friends in Holland. I am so glad that he was back in touch with his children while there was still time. And, with the wonders of technology, not only did they SPEAK but they were also able to SEE each other, via Skype. Absolutely amazing!
It will be a long time before I can think of Ken without crying from missing him so much, but I know that I will never doubt that he was an absolute blessing in my life, and in the lives of all those he touched.
And I don't doubt that he is somewhere peaceful and joyful, waiting for me, and that I will see him there again, when it is my turn to go, and that will be such happiness!
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Home alone.
This will be the first time since January 1998 that Ken, my beloved Husband, has not been in my life. And it is just over 3 days since he said "I love you" for the last time to me, and slipped away from me. I told him many, many times that in his next life he must find me earlier, so that we have more time to spend together - but before that can happen I have to join him in the afterlife first!!! And since I come from a family whose average age tends into the 80's, and I am just short of reaching the half-century mark, it is going to be a while before that can happen. Till then, I will just have to get on with life!
The funeral held for Ken on Thursday was very simple. It is the only service in our church that does NOT need to be conducted by a priest. Ken had been brought to our PJ house at around 9.30am on Thursday 11th Feb, beautifully dressed in his suit, and honestly looking like he was just sleeping. It was an "open" casket in the sense that the caskets wooden lid had been removed, but there was a glass pane, like a second, transparent cover, in place as well.
An amazing number of people turned up - many of them had also attended our wedding reception in May 1999, and I guess that brings it full circle for them, as far as Ken and I as a pair are concerned. I can just imagine Ken watching in amazement from "above" at all the people! People started arriving from around 9.30am onwards, some to stay till the service at 1pm, others to just simply pay their last respects to Ken, and then to head back to their various offices, tasks, etc. Ken's old and good friends from his Nortrans days in Singapore also turned up - Oskar, Kevin, Yves, Rya - all flew in from SG that morning, returning in the evening. Tony and Hwee Peng drove up from SG which was amazing, as Peng had just flown in from Shanghai, went straight to Tony's place, dumped her bags, and they both drove straight out to KL. Got 'slightly' lost, as they had never been to PJ before, but arrived in perfect time for the funeral service. Too many people turned up for me to name them all, but I have to mention (in no particular order) special friends (other than those already mentioned above) who have know both Ken and I for years, who are not from within my church: Jodi, Koshu, Bala, Gopal, Fay, Rini, Huy Ping, Mercy J, Mervyn, Anne S, Karen, Philip, Ruku, Sabariah, Khean Fatt (his wife, TT, had come to the house the night before), Shida, Shawn, Molly, Efy, Sianny, Adrian, Keen, Michael (who flew in from Penang specially!!), and so many others that I just cannot name them all.
Several lovely Christian songs were sung, then at 1pm, a short prayer was said by a friend of mine (also called Sheila), followed by the tribute/eulogy from my sister. My Dad then conducted a short funeral service, adapted from the much longer funeral service normally conducted, and this was then followed by another prayer by my cousin (Prasad). All this only took about 20 minutes. After that, Ken was taken into the hearse, and we all drove to the crematorium. Got there just before 2pm, and my cousin Malini (who was forever linked by Ken to the most amazing breakfast we had ever had in SG - at her brothers home in SG, organised and managed by her, several years ago), said the final prayers for Ken. The undertakers, at our request, lifted the glass lid off the casket, so that we could place flowers on Ken, and also so that I could give him a final goodbye kiss, after which they put back first the glass lid, and then the wooden one, and then took Ken into the incinerator room. I went into the incinerator room too, with my entire family (only missing my brothers 3 kids), to say my final goodbyes. It was such a heartache and I was crying so hard - my sister and I had our arms around each other, heads together, just weeping our eyes out. It was so so hard to say that final goodbye.
From there, everyone went their separate ways. My family headed back to their various homes - my parents, and my sis/hubby and 2 boys back to PJ; my bro/wife back to Melaka. Jodi had come with me, so we headed back to Mont'Kiara, with Tony/Peng following us there. We 4 had lunch there, then Jodi headed home, and Tony/Peng headed back to Singapore..... and I went back to my now empty, quiet home. No more Ken there :-(.
I hadn't had any sleep at all on Wednesday night - every time I tried to lie down and just go to sleep I would start crying, so I had just kept myself busy all night, so as NOT to cry. Thursday night though, I was able to get to sleep - I think the last few weeks of not getting enough sleep finally caught up with me. I spent some of Thursday trying to sort through Ken's clothes, sorting out what to give to my parents, brother, brother-in-law, charity, etc.
Friday afternoon I headed over to my parents place in PJ, in time for lunch. At 3pm the undertakers came by, to drop off the lovely onyx urn I had selected, now with Ken's ashes in them, as well as the t-shirt that the hospice nurse and I had dressed him in before they took him. I wanted that t-shirt back - it was the last thing he wore, and it was a "Ken" t-shirt, as it had a musical note on the breast pocket!! Also spent some time sorting out Ken's clothes that were at PJ. Later that afternoon another friend, Sally (whose husband has passed away just a few weeks earlier), dropped by for a few hours, and then another cousin (Philipose) dropped by in the evening and joined us for dinner. I stayed the night at PJ - and, like on Wednesday, found that when I tried to sleep, I just ended up crying instead. So I read for several hours, until I was really sleepy, then cried for an hour or so, and finally fell asleep probably around 5am. Was up by 7.30am though :-(... so, not enough sleep again!
Spent this morning out and about with my sister, her two boys, and my parents - first for breakfast, then went to get shoes for my Dad, then for lunch, then back to PJ again. From there, back home - so I am now in Hijauan, updating this blog, sorting out loads of medical supplies that I still have to give to the hospice, sorting out more of Ken's clothes, and, at 6.30pm, heading out to meet Efy and Sianny for dinner.
Still a lot of things to do - get his will probated, get his death certificate (my Dad will do that for me on Wednesday, after Chinese New Year is over), inform the British High Comm of his death, inform Malaysian immigration (so that his visa can be cancelled), inform his pension company, get our Malaysian bank accounts changed from joint to single accounts, go to Singapore to report his death to immigration there so they can cancel his PR, get the SG bank accounts changed from joint to single, and go the UK (middle of the year) to visit his family, and his best friend Kevin. In between, there will be several friends coming to stay, all to catch up on stories and to reminisce about Ken, end of Feb, mid-March, etc.
Once things are sorted, then I might even go back to work - after my trip to the UK.
For now, I will take things one step at a time, one day at a time, and let time work its (hopefully) healing magic on me, so that I can keep Ken in my heart forever, without the constant heartache that is my companion.
Till next time....
The funeral held for Ken on Thursday was very simple. It is the only service in our church that does NOT need to be conducted by a priest. Ken had been brought to our PJ house at around 9.30am on Thursday 11th Feb, beautifully dressed in his suit, and honestly looking like he was just sleeping. It was an "open" casket in the sense that the caskets wooden lid had been removed, but there was a glass pane, like a second, transparent cover, in place as well.
An amazing number of people turned up - many of them had also attended our wedding reception in May 1999, and I guess that brings it full circle for them, as far as Ken and I as a pair are concerned. I can just imagine Ken watching in amazement from "above" at all the people! People started arriving from around 9.30am onwards, some to stay till the service at 1pm, others to just simply pay their last respects to Ken, and then to head back to their various offices, tasks, etc. Ken's old and good friends from his Nortrans days in Singapore also turned up - Oskar, Kevin, Yves, Rya - all flew in from SG that morning, returning in the evening. Tony and Hwee Peng drove up from SG which was amazing, as Peng had just flown in from Shanghai, went straight to Tony's place, dumped her bags, and they both drove straight out to KL. Got 'slightly' lost, as they had never been to PJ before, but arrived in perfect time for the funeral service. Too many people turned up for me to name them all, but I have to mention (in no particular order) special friends (other than those already mentioned above) who have know both Ken and I for years, who are not from within my church: Jodi, Koshu, Bala, Gopal, Fay, Rini, Huy Ping, Mercy J, Mervyn, Anne S, Karen, Philip, Ruku, Sabariah, Khean Fatt (his wife, TT, had come to the house the night before), Shida, Shawn, Molly, Efy, Sianny, Adrian, Keen, Michael (who flew in from Penang specially!!), and so many others that I just cannot name them all.
Several lovely Christian songs were sung, then at 1pm, a short prayer was said by a friend of mine (also called Sheila), followed by the tribute/eulogy from my sister. My Dad then conducted a short funeral service, adapted from the much longer funeral service normally conducted, and this was then followed by another prayer by my cousin (Prasad). All this only took about 20 minutes. After that, Ken was taken into the hearse, and we all drove to the crematorium. Got there just before 2pm, and my cousin Malini (who was forever linked by Ken to the most amazing breakfast we had ever had in SG - at her brothers home in SG, organised and managed by her, several years ago), said the final prayers for Ken. The undertakers, at our request, lifted the glass lid off the casket, so that we could place flowers on Ken, and also so that I could give him a final goodbye kiss, after which they put back first the glass lid, and then the wooden one, and then took Ken into the incinerator room. I went into the incinerator room too, with my entire family (only missing my brothers 3 kids), to say my final goodbyes. It was such a heartache and I was crying so hard - my sister and I had our arms around each other, heads together, just weeping our eyes out. It was so so hard to say that final goodbye.
From there, everyone went their separate ways. My family headed back to their various homes - my parents, and my sis/hubby and 2 boys back to PJ; my bro/wife back to Melaka. Jodi had come with me, so we headed back to Mont'Kiara, with Tony/Peng following us there. We 4 had lunch there, then Jodi headed home, and Tony/Peng headed back to Singapore..... and I went back to my now empty, quiet home. No more Ken there :-(.
I hadn't had any sleep at all on Wednesday night - every time I tried to lie down and just go to sleep I would start crying, so I had just kept myself busy all night, so as NOT to cry. Thursday night though, I was able to get to sleep - I think the last few weeks of not getting enough sleep finally caught up with me. I spent some of Thursday trying to sort through Ken's clothes, sorting out what to give to my parents, brother, brother-in-law, charity, etc.
Friday afternoon I headed over to my parents place in PJ, in time for lunch. At 3pm the undertakers came by, to drop off the lovely onyx urn I had selected, now with Ken's ashes in them, as well as the t-shirt that the hospice nurse and I had dressed him in before they took him. I wanted that t-shirt back - it was the last thing he wore, and it was a "Ken" t-shirt, as it had a musical note on the breast pocket!! Also spent some time sorting out Ken's clothes that were at PJ. Later that afternoon another friend, Sally (whose husband has passed away just a few weeks earlier), dropped by for a few hours, and then another cousin (Philipose) dropped by in the evening and joined us for dinner. I stayed the night at PJ - and, like on Wednesday, found that when I tried to sleep, I just ended up crying instead. So I read for several hours, until I was really sleepy, then cried for an hour or so, and finally fell asleep probably around 5am. Was up by 7.30am though :-(... so, not enough sleep again!
Spent this morning out and about with my sister, her two boys, and my parents - first for breakfast, then went to get shoes for my Dad, then for lunch, then back to PJ again. From there, back home - so I am now in Hijauan, updating this blog, sorting out loads of medical supplies that I still have to give to the hospice, sorting out more of Ken's clothes, and, at 6.30pm, heading out to meet Efy and Sianny for dinner.
Still a lot of things to do - get his will probated, get his death certificate (my Dad will do that for me on Wednesday, after Chinese New Year is over), inform the British High Comm of his death, inform Malaysian immigration (so that his visa can be cancelled), inform his pension company, get our Malaysian bank accounts changed from joint to single accounts, go to Singapore to report his death to immigration there so they can cancel his PR, get the SG bank accounts changed from joint to single, and go the UK (middle of the year) to visit his family, and his best friend Kevin. In between, there will be several friends coming to stay, all to catch up on stories and to reminisce about Ken, end of Feb, mid-March, etc.
Once things are sorted, then I might even go back to work - after my trip to the UK.
For now, I will take things one step at a time, one day at a time, and let time work its (hopefully) healing magic on me, so that I can keep Ken in my heart forever, without the constant heartache that is my companion.
Till next time....
Thursday, February 11, 2010
A tribute to my beautiful Husband, from my wonderful little Sister
"Right now we are all mourning Ken's passing, and it would be very easy to talk about grief and sorrow. But, instead, I want to take a leaf out of my sister's book, if I can manage to be half as strong and collected as she has been. Yesterday Ken passed away. It was also my mother's birthday. When I called my sister, she said we should all gather at her home, to celebrate mum's birthday and also to celebrate Ken's life. Well, as part of that celebration of his life - a life lived to the fullest - I want to take this opportunity to thank Ken for a lot of things.
I want to thank him first for being brave enough to take us all on. He got to know Sheila as an individual, a seemingly unattached, singular entity, when they were in Singapore. And then, one weekend, we all gathered in Malacca, and met him. And this man, despite being faced by a large, unruly, noisy, extended Malayali family, remained steadfast. We must have been a shock to his reserved English system, but he bore up extremely well - for more than 11 years.
I want to thank him for his unfailing generosity - whether it was putting us up (and putting up with us) whenever we were in Singapore (I was a frequent visitor during my 3 years as a student); or complaining his way through my jargon-filled thesis, but still sticking with the proof-reading (and, Yes, Ken, every word I used really does exist); or cooking one of his delicious meals. And knowing how much my sister "loves" to cook, she was really lucky to find someone who not only COULD cook, but also LIKED to cook. I know that my son, Lucas, first encountered roast beef when Ken cooked it for us, and for a few years after that occasion, he would still talk with fond nostalgia about "Uncle Ken's roast beef". And, for both my sons (Lucas and Stephen), all apple crumbles were always compared, unfavourably, to Uncle Ken's apple crumble. Christmas was a time to savour his alcohol-laden, royal-icing covered masterpiece of a fruit cake. Ken enjoyed cooking - and we certainly enjoyed the fruits of his labour.
I thank him for his spirit and his zest for life. He and Sheila enjoyed their time together at least partly because Ken was willing and eager to go away and do stuff. If there was a beach, or a dive site, or a sailboat nearby, Ken would be happy, and he and Sheila had some wonderful holidays together - good memories for her to carry with her. But it was more than just going on holidays - he was a man who enjoyed good things - good food, good company, good music, a good book. He found pleasure in life, and that is something we should celebrate.
Most of all, I want to thank him for being the right man for my sister. It took them a while to find each other, but he was worth the wait. Everyone who knows Sheila knows that she is strong-willed and opinionated; younger sisters might describe her as bossy! Ken took that strong personality on board, and was strong enough himself, to let her be who she is. I have never seen her as happy as when they were together. Perhaps their time together has been too short. But I am thankful that they had that time, and that they enjoyed it to the hilt.
Thank you Ken, for being part of our family. We'll miss your quiet presence and your wry sense of humour.
Goodbye."
I want to thank him first for being brave enough to take us all on. He got to know Sheila as an individual, a seemingly unattached, singular entity, when they were in Singapore. And then, one weekend, we all gathered in Malacca, and met him. And this man, despite being faced by a large, unruly, noisy, extended Malayali family, remained steadfast. We must have been a shock to his reserved English system, but he bore up extremely well - for more than 11 years.
I want to thank him for his unfailing generosity - whether it was putting us up (and putting up with us) whenever we were in Singapore (I was a frequent visitor during my 3 years as a student); or complaining his way through my jargon-filled thesis, but still sticking with the proof-reading (and, Yes, Ken, every word I used really does exist); or cooking one of his delicious meals. And knowing how much my sister "loves" to cook, she was really lucky to find someone who not only COULD cook, but also LIKED to cook. I know that my son, Lucas, first encountered roast beef when Ken cooked it for us, and for a few years after that occasion, he would still talk with fond nostalgia about "Uncle Ken's roast beef". And, for both my sons (Lucas and Stephen), all apple crumbles were always compared, unfavourably, to Uncle Ken's apple crumble. Christmas was a time to savour his alcohol-laden, royal-icing covered masterpiece of a fruit cake. Ken enjoyed cooking - and we certainly enjoyed the fruits of his labour.
I thank him for his spirit and his zest for life. He and Sheila enjoyed their time together at least partly because Ken was willing and eager to go away and do stuff. If there was a beach, or a dive site, or a sailboat nearby, Ken would be happy, and he and Sheila had some wonderful holidays together - good memories for her to carry with her. But it was more than just going on holidays - he was a man who enjoyed good things - good food, good company, good music, a good book. He found pleasure in life, and that is something we should celebrate.
Most of all, I want to thank him for being the right man for my sister. It took them a while to find each other, but he was worth the wait. Everyone who knows Sheila knows that she is strong-willed and opinionated; younger sisters might describe her as bossy! Ken took that strong personality on board, and was strong enough himself, to let her be who she is. I have never seen her as happy as when they were together. Perhaps their time together has been too short. But I am thankful that they had that time, and that they enjoyed it to the hilt.
Thank you Ken, for being part of our family. We'll miss your quiet presence and your wry sense of humour.
Goodbye."
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